Athiest walking in the woods . . . . . ` Joke`

[SANDMAN5]

Of course I wasn’t.  No one alive now was.  That’s my point; these old fables and tribal stories were more than likely made up to give suffering people hope instead of desperation.  Most people would love to believe that some all-powerful mystic being “has their back”, so stories about one quickly evolve and are passed around much like todays email chain letters.  If it weren’t for the Roman’s military might, and desire to conquer early Europe, Christianity would have faded away much like most old fairy tales.

I have no idea where you came up with the story that my wife is some sort of Bible thumper like you.  Maybe it’s the beginning of a new fable to be passed around in chain emails until 600 years later, some culture worships her as a god!

LOLOL    Nobody alive today was around for Napoleon...or Socrates....Nero. I guess they're all
"fables" too. Bible thumper....stooping to name calling...although "Bible thumper" is not really an
insult if taken in the right context. And we all KNOW that you wouldn't stoop so low as to call
anybody names!!

[SANDMAN5]

Another note, I didn't reread all the posts, but somebody mentioned that "God (or a Supreme
Being?) is in control of everything". No, I disagree. IF God was in control of everything, we
wouldn't need hospitals, prisons, LEO's or military forces. We are here to make our own
decisions and reap the benefits or suffer the consequences. God loves us (ALL) that much.
I choose to follow His lead in every way I can, and reap the benefits. Man, left to his own
"intelligence", will mess things up every time....somehow.
 Bobbo also said I limit my actions because of my beliefs. Well, name somebody that DOESN'T
limit their actions!! Aside from the very young or those with some type of mental impairment,
EVERYBODY does it to one extent or another. We learn that there are rewards or consequences
for our choices. Those that don't learn end up dead or in prison...and eventually in Hell.
 I'm gonna stay out of this thread AGAIN  unless I change my mind. God gave me that right!

[G-Man]

.......Many wonder why they dont see or hear God in their life as much as they may want.......

Name ONE person who has ever seen or heard God.  There is not a man alive...no priest, reverend, rabbi, pastor, pope, lawyer, doctor, locksmith, electrician, plumber, man, woman, child, etc., etc., who has seen or heard God.

[DarkMeister]

That's an easy one. George W. Bush.
Didn't he have weekly telecons with the Big Guy?

.......Many wonder why they dont see or hear God in their life as much as they may want.......

Name ONE person who has ever seen or heard God.  There is not a man alive...no priest, reverend, rabbi, pastor, pope, lawyer, doctor, locksmith, electrician, plumber, man, woman, child, etc., etc., who has seen or heard God.

[fuzzy2bucks]

Yep, G-Man, right-on, that's exactly why it's a Joke and not to be taken seriously. This joke belongs in a Humor thread, maybe I should start one now?

[Bobbo]

LOLOL    Nobody alive today was around for Napoleon...or Socrates....Nero. I guess they're all
"fables" too. Bible thumper....stooping to name calling...although "Bible thumper" is not really an
insult if taken in the right context. And we all KNOW that you wouldn't stoop so low as to call
anybody names!!

Napoleon, Socrates, Nero, and most other historical figures never claimed to be omnipotent gods that need to be worshiped or bad things would happen.  The term “Bible thumper” is not meant as an insult, but is a descriptor of behavior.  “Liberal” and “Conservative” are also descriptors of behavior.

[alph]

HEY !!  FUZZY2BUCKS WROTE ANOTHER THREAD!!!  LETS GO ATTACK IT!!! 

IT'S A SPIRITUAL ONE TOO!!

[fudgie]

'Men have to believe in something, I believe i'll have another beer.'

Movie qoute. 

[x]

.......Many wonder why they dont see or hear God in their life as much as they may want.......

Name ONE person who has ever seen or heard God.  There is not a man alive...no priest, reverend, rabbi, pastor, pope, lawyer, doctor, locksmith, electrician, plumber, man, woman, child, etc., etc., who has seen or heard God.

Sarah Palin obviously talks to God... http://www.adn.com/2008/09/04/515511/iraq-war-gas-line-gods-will-palin.html (and many more).

Actually, there are at least seven politicians who must be speaking to God, for each is getting a message.

http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk-elections/article/christine-odonnell-and-6-politicians-who-claim-god-is-on-their/19655660

And ODonnell apparently thinks everyone hears from God.

In 2008, during her failed run for the same Senate seat, a reporter from the News Journal of Wilmington heard O'Donnell tell a voter this:

    "When you go into a voting booth," the conservative Catholic says, "ask God which candidate will further the kingdom of God."

[alph]

Sarah Palin obviously talks to God...

Actually, there are at least seven politicians who must be speaking to God, for each is getting a message.


In 2008, during her failed run for the same Senate seat, a reporter from the News Journal of Wilmington heard O'Donnell tell a voter this:

    "When you go into a voting booth," the conservative Catholic says, "ask God which candidate will further the kingdom of God."

don't be bringing politics into this argument!!

[fstsix]

But....but....talking to yourself always looks more professional, 

[Robert]

Eagle you have a chance to understand Bobbo is lost. Neither are bad guys just not open to expanding your horizons. So when I say people do indeed talk to God you can have a field day. If you knew the Bible you would understand that the reason sin is so bad is because it cuts off communication with God. You see Jesus didn't die on the cross for us to become a bunch of zombies. He shed His blood that still flows today so that we could become children of the Most High God. He is a loving Father and what sin does by cutting off communication with God Jesus blood restores that communication. God walked in the Garden with Adam and Eve He talked to Moses and allowed His glory to be seen. He talked to Enoch so I know you said no one has ever heard from God is wrong. More so that even today He still talks to His anointed ones. But so many Prophets and Christians that do have a real walk with God have been lumped in with the phonies and frauds and general nuts jobs.So that they all get a bad name. I dont follow the Lord because religion tells me to I do it because I want to be faithful to a friend that has been so faithful to me.  If you had really read the Bible you would understand that Jesus Himself said if you do this under compulsion its worthless so that would eliminate alot of dogma right there. Jesus also said my yolk is light also that the Pharisees in  Jesus time put heavy burdens on mans backs that they themselves were not willing to take on. Jesus talked so much like you about the religious leaders of the time but He said this that the real purpose was to love God. If you are a real Christian and dont hear God I more would question your walk. But you not knowing this cannot understand nor judge a Christians walk. About all you can do is look at the religious and scoff how they dont perform not understanding that God is not fooled  and there is so much more. Just because you dont understand something doesn't make it not true, or is this mantra you say about Christians not able to be applied to you. Narrow mindedness comes in many forms. 
 I have said many times I hate church but I love being with Gods people and listening to His word. Church it kept me from knowing the Lord for so many years. I love the Lord now and I find myself thinking I had the same ideas and thoughts you did. I really wasn't any different if all are honest we all shared the same thoughts with you. The real problem with the church is they want you to be afraid to do wrong which was never a good motivation. Dont get me wrong there is a fear of God but not that He will zap you but that we will loose the closeness we feel with Him. I know this may sound strange to you. Confessions to a priest what a crock, He cant forgive you only Jesus can. I hate that the church is only concerned with not sinning and feel they have to scare you to stop you from doing it. So much like the government instead of teaching the Love of Christ and helping the people come into a relationship with Him. Well I rambled on long enough enjoy

[Robert]

When Jesus gave up His life on the cross did you know that people in graves were raised from the dead that the temple veil was torn that other miracles happened. The symbolism of the Temple veil being torn was to allow all into the Holy of Holies not just the Temple Priests. This is where God resided above the Ark of the Covenant. That the Priests had to tie a rope to their leg when they went in because if they weren't Holy they would die and no one could go in.  That the power that raised people from the dead never died its still with us today. This is for you and me and Jesus broke the religious and pious man made establishments to allow us to come to the Father like His children.

[x]

Eagle you have a chance to understand Bobbo is lost.

Bobbo seems to have his head screwed on pretty straight to me.  He's not sucked in by today's fundamentalist religion, like you are, seems to look at both sides of things when considering an opinion, and, I think he has a spiritual component in his life.

If you knew the Bible you would understand that the reason sin is so bad is because it cuts off communication with God.

I know the bible very well, not only its contents, but its history and sources.  I also know the Tanakh, quite a bit about the Koran, and a lot about Buddhist teachings.  There are many ways to connect with spirituality, with the one.  Christians have no monopoly on it, and it fact when I see ChrisJ talking about killing people in cold blood, I think many Christians have missed the whole point entirely.

Every man is born into his "tribe" and it is every man's tribe that shapes his world view, whether you are a rice farmer in Bangladesh, or a northeastern blue blood.  Every tribe teaches that its way is the right way.  You happen to think you have the right way.  Great.  Just be aware that it's not the only right way.

[junior]

...OR God really does exist, and you will stand before Him to account for your life on earth, when you die!

How do you know that?  Why should God, if it exists, demand an accounting, or even care?  And is it a "Him", with balls and such?

why would god need balls? it aint like he gets laid

[x]

...OR God really does exist, and you will stand before Him to account for your life on earth, when you die!

How do you know that?  Why should God, if it exists, demand an accounting, or even care?  And is it a "Him", with balls and such?

why would god need balls? it aint like he gets laid

Well... they say God is a "him", and as they say, if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle... so I figure God must have balls if it's a him.
 
And whose to know if God gets laid or not?  According to the Greeks, not only did the Gods get laid, they cheated on one another and every once in a while, came down to lay one of us humans.

[Hoser]

    Given the information that we believe to be fact about the age of the earth, and the history of man that we can factually account for, you have to ask yourself is this all there is? Your born, you "do your thing" for as many years as you can squeeze out, you die, end of story???
     I won't bore anyone with what I believe, but regardless of your religion or lack thereof, most of us on this board have at best 40 years left to breath the air and watch the sun rise and set. If man has a spirit that lives on after our physical life is over we will have ample time to decide who had it right.

I sure hope you're right about the 40 years, but I'll probly need to switch to a trike by the time I'm a 100 years old or so.  I think I'll start saving my money now!   hoser

[pitbull]

WOW,who would have thought a "joke" could have so many replies and views,I'm amazed,but then again,I am English after all.I read them all with interest.

My standing on religion is,,,,,I am not religeous but in a way I do believe God exists.I will not tolerate those that tell me what I should do or believe in.I know nothing about religion,never have and never will,all I do know is peoples religious beliefs have taken the lives of millions,all over the world.

I am a good man,I will help strangers,I do not cause problems for anyone and I would put myself in harms way if needed to protect others ,and when my time is up and I go to where-ever I'm going to,if I bump into God I will ask him why my life on Earth has been so painful.

Pitbull

[Kymbo]

The only time ive spoken to god is after a bottle of scotch and my head is in the toilet

[Jeff K]

Athiest walking in the woods



Atheist walking in the woods


An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.


As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes.


Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran
as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that
the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came
out of the sky saying:

"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps,
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the
forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
truly thankful, Amen. "
__________________
__________________

HOLY CRAP! A TALKING BEAR!

Careful, you don't want this thread to turn into a religion thread! 

[sugerbear]

this thread needs to be deleted