Athiest walking in the woods . . . . . ` Joke`

[fuzzy2bucks]

Athiest walking in the woods



An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.


As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes.


Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran
as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that
the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came
out of the sky saying:

"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps,
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the
forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
truly thankful, Amen. "
__________________
__________________

[alph]

I believe that most atheists are that way because of the actions of the Christians they’ve encountered.  (I’m speaking from experience.) 

[Chrisj CMA]

I believe that most atheists are that way because of the actions of the Christians they’ve encountered.  (I’m speaking from experience.) 

Its a joke........a joke.........and a pretty funny one at that.........

But, what you say is silly.  I think many stay away from church because of hypocritical christians.  But what you believe is what you believe, if your faith (or lack of it) depends on me being dumb or not I have lots of power over you now dont I.  What you believe about God is yours and Gods business, dont give me that kind of responsibility.....Ill let you down most every time

[Bobbo]

The joke is pretty funny, but the reason I don’t believe that current religions are the true representations of our existence has nothing to do with the actions of others.  When I examine most religions, I don’t see many consistencies between what we know about our universe and ourselves.  What I see in religion (especially in Abrahamic varieties) is many strong consistencies with an effective method of behavioral control.  I believe religions were developed to control people by creating an omnipotent being, which can see and control everything.  If you don’t follow this deity’s rules, He, She, It will “smote” you.  Pretty scary stuff for the uneducated and gullible people of the past.  I’m not a psychologist, but most people feel comforted believing that there is a powerful “king” in control of things.  Perhaps many people would be too petrified at the concept that they really are going it alone in the world and universe.

[Serk]

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

[Serk]

A very religious man lived right next door to an Atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the Atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the Atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:

"Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above:

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

[Jabba]

I hate to agree with Bobbo about anything... but in this case I am man enough to admit that I sort of do.

Although... I simply do not KNOW.  Either way.  I do not know.  I won't KNOW till I pass.  and if Bobbo is right... I won't even know then.

Cheerful thought huh?

I am going to try to make the world a better place for having walked upon it.  I hope, that you can say that about me.  If you can't now... maybe our paths will cross someday, and I can in some small way, make YOUR world a better place.

That's really all I can do I think.

Jabba

[Chrisj CMA]

Well, I just spent 4 days at a Church parking bikes.  We didnt ask nor care if people were "religious" or even if they were a Christian or not.  We didnt demand they dress nice or refrain from swearing.  They could smoke and they drank beer on the church grounds (now the alcohol is not allowed due to the licence we have) so we ask them to stop that so we dont loose the license (most stopped). My point is many many many of them come because they are in search of a new or closer relationship with God. 

We get asked to pray with some, we accept many written prayer requests, we bless "bikes" but its really for the rider you know.  Some of the biggest baddest biker dudes that roll in looking like they just killed someone smile after getting a couple home made cookies and a drink.  I love the look of HEY, NOW I FEEL ALL NICE....WHAT HAPPENED HERE!!

This year we went FREE  the only money we took in was donations, and believe me we tried not having a donation bucket, they just hand you money and say "this is for the donation can, where ever it is"

The church made the same amount on the donations as they did when we were charging.  I told many many bikers when they asked me why "free" I just said whatever/if God lays on your heart to donate is fine with us.  None thought that was strange.....they thought it was cool.  This is a small church of old folks....they rely on the parking for their very existance, so going free was a step of faith for sure.

Weve been doing this for 7 years, God has led this ministry the whole time.......we dont plan, we dont worry, we just GO

There is a God, I know cause he showed up in Daytona again like always....where two or more are gathered he said.........bank on it! 

[JimL]

The joke is pretty funny, but the reason I don’t believe that current religions are the true representations of our existence has nothing to do with the actions of others.  When I examine most religions, I don’t see many consistencies between what we know about our universe and ourselves.  What I see in religion (especially in Abrahamic varieties) is many strong consistencies with an effective method of behavioral control.  I believe religions were developed to control people by creating an omnipotent being, which can see and control everything.  If you don’t follow this deity’s rules, He, She, It will “smote” you.  Pretty scary stuff for the uneducated and gullible people of the past.  I’m not a psychologist, but most people feel comforted believing that there is a powerful “king” in control of things.  Perhaps many people would be too petrified at the concept that they really are going it alone in the world and universe.

Much like Jabba, I begrudgingly agree with much of what you say.  I can't say with the same conviction as you that "religions were developed to control people", however even if there were no omnipotent entity, I am convinced that the French philosopher Voltaire was correct when he said that "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him" (for the record, Voltaire did believe in God).

As a sidenote I have always found it interesting that another believer in God, is the father of the "Big Bang", George Lemaitre was a Catholic priest as well as a brilliant physicist.  He "explained" Hubble's observation of an expanding universe and in the process contradicted the "steady state" explanation held by theologians.  It is interesting that most atheists look at Lemaitre's work as proof of their position, whereas Lemaitre never felt this way at all.  I feel Lemaitre's work might be the strongest argument for believing in a higher entity.

[Quicksilver]

It's simple for me. I believe in God and it helps me deal with life on a daily basis. 

[Momz]

I believe in God and I met Chris in Daytona in Bike Week and although our political views may differ, I respect him and his right to his views. We are all different and that is what makes us better christians.

However, I know people that claim to be christians, but they are as hypocritical as they come. One of those has "Forgiven by Grace" painted on his bike, but it your views differ from his, then you must be ostracized, and kept at bay. His has used the words were "fall pruning" as if this would change the fact that removeing those whose views differ will bring people closer together couldn't be further from the truth.

[Trynt]

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
Napoleon Bonaparte

[SANDMAN5]

AGAIN I have to say it....don't confuse "Christians" with "religious people".
Major differences. I forget who said it..."Religion is man's version of
what God said." I grew up in a religious church..thank God I got over it!!!!
Now I'm in a non-denominational church...learning more and more about
God's Word...and getting happier about it every day!!! Far too many
people let their religion (denomination) get between them and God. I
could go on and on with this, but I'll stop now. Mark 7:13 (Contemporary
English Translation) "And you ignore God's commands in order to follow your
own teaching. You do a lot of other things that are just as bad."

[Robert]

Alph all I can say is bs, I gave you more credit than that. As for the jokes I like the first one I nearly fell off my seat.
  To Bobbo you will never find the truth if you look for it in religion you find it in relationship and its not in your own reasoning. That doesn't take religion nor God. Most Christians do things that have no bearing on what God wants them to do its more like self justification. The Bible says do all things as unto Christ, He is the reward the strength the light and the help and the redeemer. When He comes again He will also be the Judge.
  Let me share a little story, when I first came to Christ I was in a not so good way and was seeing my wife/girlfriend. She was going to a church and it was lead by a lady Pastor and my wife was the head of the music. The Pastor really didn't like me, I mean really didn't like me and eventually threw me out of the church. Basically she didn't like the fact that I was seeing my girlfriend/wife and still had issues in my life. She asked me to not see my wife till I had cleared up these issues. Now I knew in my heart that I not only didn't want to do that but that it was wrong. Being a new Christian and knowing that my wife was there for a reason I felt like I would be cutting off part of my help with God.  Basically I told her its not going to happen so the Pastor and the two other heads of the church got together and threw me out. NOt physically but told me I wasn't welcome. A new Christian, loving the Lord, trying to straighten out things in my life have prayed for people and have seen some miracles happen and she threw me out. The one that needed help the most,,,me and cut me off from the Lords Hospital.  My wife could have stayed but decided against it. I really could have let that turn me away from the Lord and going to church, but you see I have learned who my God really is and what He is about. If you look to man or religion you will be disappointed but if your hope is in God then all things are possible. Well my wife and I prayed and 6 moths later we found the church we are currently going to. We walked in and people were friendly and the second time going one of the elders of the church walked up to me and my wife and said You have found a home here. I nearly cried right there because I knew it was from the Lord and the man that said this also gave  us a word from the Lord. Well the Pastors wife got a hold of me three weeks later and said when are you going to be married? Then the Holy Spirit got ahold of me and three weeks after that we were married by my current Pastor and 15 years later still am thankful to God that He made the way not man.
  So you see when you talk about other Christians weep as Jesus did for on the cross, crucified, beaten not welcome by His own He said as one of His last breaths Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Weep for them howl for them for the day is drawing near when they will be weighted and measured and if found lacking will suffer the consequences. But whatever happens dont let someones mistake make a bigger mistake for you. Praise God

[alph]

A man grows an apple tree in his back yard.  On the tree he grows two apples.  In the fall he picks the two apples.  One apple is perfect, shinny, excellent color and shape.  He bites into it and it is soft, gushy and worm ridden, the fruit is rotten.  The second apple has scared skin, pitted and blemished.  He peels it and makes the best apple pie ever because the fruit inside was firm and sweet, an example of perfection. 

A man asks one of his two sons to till the field, one says he will do it, and never does, the second son says no, I’m too busy.  Latter the second son tills the fathers field, who did the fathers will??? 

The moral of the two stories is this; you never know what is in the heart.  My personal experiences are that I’ve found very few “good apples” (unless they’re honey crisps).  I have bitten too many bad apples, and that old saying, once bitten twice shy, holds a lot of water.

Yes, I’ve got a chip on my shoulder when it comes to Christians.  I don’t know very many good ones, but I know they all put on one hell of a good show when it comes to looking good and shiny!! 

By the way, serks two stories were funny!!  (I had read the bear one several times before, and the first time I read it I laughed then too.)

[Robert]

If you are looking for God your looking in the wrong place, Go to the source, He more than likely will share your opinion and your experiences.

[John Schmidt]

I wish some of you could have met and spent some time with my dad. As devout a person as you'll ever see, but you wouldn't know it without spending time around him. He simply lived it, and lived it simply....never would think of blowing his own horn, so to speak, when it came to his personal life and testimony. If you asked a question, he would answer as best he could....nothing more. I never saw him attempt to "convert" someone, if you were interested then he would help and advise. You couldn't spend more than a few minutes with him without knowing there was something very different about him, yet he was very contemporary and up-to-date. He was a well educated man, serving as a school superintendent for a number of years and later a classroom teacher. In the 93 years he spent on this earth, I never heard him use any form of a four letter epithet, something the average person I don't feel can do on their own power.

As a young lad still living at home, I would overhear him and my mother praying....my room was right below theirs and not too soundproof. I would hear him ask for guidance and insight to the problems facing them, in some instances he would ask for Divine intercession...not knowing where it would lead but he was willing to be led. I have lived long enough to see many of those requests come to pass, some while he was still alive. I am a living example of one of them.

In closing, I look at it this way: If I live a life as described in the Bible, with all my weaknesses and mistakes, and it turns out there is no God, I've lost nothing. However, if I live a life of sin as described in the Bible, and it turns out there is a God, then I've lost everything. I've seen too much in my life in favor of believing as opposed to non-belief.

[FLAVALK]

I know some very good Christian people as well as some very good people who are proclaimed atheists. One thing I've noticed in my lifetime, the good Christians  seem to be more at peace with themselves and their situation at crunch time.

Ask yourself this: Suppose you have an only child that you love more than life, whose life hangs in the balance for whatever reason and there is no human that can help. Who are you going to ask/beg to save him or her....yourself? At some point, I believe even the most devout atheist will turn to God....just in case there is one. Like the old saying goes, "there ain't no atheists in a foxhole"

[SANDMAN5]

Yes, I’ve got a chip on my shoulder when it comes to Christians.  I don’t know very many good ones, but I know they all put on one hell of a good show when it comes to looking good and shiny!!

Apparently you just don't get it!!! The ones that "put on the show", look down on people that
don't attend "their church", feel a need to tell everyone within earshot how "righteous" they
are..THOSE are the "religious people" I'm talking about. You're not dressed good enough to
talk to God...you don't associate with the right kind of people...you don't pray or read the
Bible for x# of hours every day...etc. I know a lot of "religious people" that claim to be
Christians....I don't know ONE Christian that claims to be a religious person!! Until you can
make the distinction between those two groups, you're not going to understand!!   

[SANDMAN5]

A feller dies and goes to Heaven. After signing in, an Angel gives him a guided tour.
It starts out in a long hallway...as far as the eye can see. On each side of the hall
are doors, several feet apart, again, as far as he could see. All the doors were open
and people were coming and going from one door to the next, across the hall, etc.,
laughing and giggling and singing praises to God!! As they walked down the hall, he
noticed one door was shut and there was a sign in the hall that said "QUIET PLEASE".
When they got past that door he asked the Angel what that was all about. The Angel
said "That's the Baptist section. They think they're the only ones here and we don't
want to spoil it for them."   

(I grew up in a Baptist church so I'm allowed to tell Baptist jokes. You could substitute
Methodist, Lutheran, Episcopalian....etc.)

[Willow]

Apparently you just don't get it!!! The ones that "put on the show", look down on people that don't attend "their church"  ...   I know a lot of "religious people" that claim to be Christians....I don't know ONE Christian that claims to be a religious person!!  

Wow, Bob!  Be careful there.  It sounds like you may have thrown a stone into your own glass house.    

[big turkey]

Car tires and Religion always get a rise from people.

I prefer not to discuss either here.

Remember a wise man will change his mind but a fool never will.

Make what you want of that, but all it means is that you need to keep a open mind is all.

AL

[andym]

Wow ..some very deep thoughts here .....I know I have met some very wonderful people in the VRCC and Voa, like John Horton and Dan Stocker, who have inspired me to be a better person...Hummmmm weird, I dont even know their faith and I dont care. Why cant people just seek to be their own personal best , God aside, political affiliations aside? It is a strange world out there. Its like when I go to a bike function and certain bike owners wont talk to me cause I rode up on a HOnda. I never seem to mind that because I know what shallow people they are and I dont want them in my life or small circle of hand picked friends and loved ones.
Since we are quoting the bible, I think there is an expression that goes " so shall ye sew, so shall ye reap". Open your heart and mind to someone different and try to see things from their perspective. Image the world if people were not so willing to fight for what they believe in. Imagine, just imagine the good that come be derived. I watched a special about pharmaceutical companies all joining forces to cure cancer and in a short time, they have made a significant number of discoveries. I worked on a habitat home for a soldier here in NJ and it was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. There were people of all religions and ages and nationalities. I feel so sorry for closed minded people, the close themselves off to wonderful experiences and true personal growth, but I guess they are happy in their ignorance? I dont mean to criticze others, Im just amazed how close minded some people can be, but I guess that is the nature of the world. I think the reward that we gain by opening ourselves up to others is the love and freindship we gain from those people and the folks that close the gates to their little restricted clubs are missing out on so many wonderful people out there

[Moonshot_1]

Athiest walking in the woods



Atheist walking in the woods


An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.


As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes.


Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran
as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that
the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came
out of the sky saying:

"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps,
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the
forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
truly thankful, Amen. "
__________________
__________________

HOLY CRAP! A TALKING BEAR!

[grizs50]

As a Christian biker I am the only Jesus most people I meet will ever see, I hope HE shines through, and That I don't get in His way!

[f6john]

     One day, Bobbo was on a hiking trip and came out of the woods into a clearing. He finds himself near the edge of a cliff and the scenery that surrounds him is breathtaking. Curious about the valley just below, he eases out to the edge for a look. Instantly the edge gives way and Bobbo is freefalling to his death. Grabbing wildly for anything to hold to his hand grasps a limb jutting out from a small scrub tree growing from a crack in the rock face of the cliff. For the moment he feels relief to have something solid to hold. Bobbo immediately starts screaming for help knowing that he came alone and that it's not likely anyone would be close enough to help.
 Then he hears a voice, "let go of the limb".
 Bobbo wonders what fool would be telling him to let go?! He says, "WHAT?????".
The voice says, "let go of the limb".
 Bobbo screams, "are you crazy? I'll die if I let go." 
Then he hears a loud booming, " I am  God, let go of the limb and I will catch you and deliver you to safety".
 Bobbo considers all his options and then in the loudest voice he can muster he screams,


"Is there anybody else up there???........"

[Robert]

I wish too that we could all just like the old Coke ads say just buy the world a Coke and all things would be ok. But its not and were not wired like that and we wont see the lion lie down with the lamb till we get to heaven. So we need to be strong, strong in a relationship with God because without it we can not go beyond ourselves to reach out to the lost and hurting. Because its God who actually loves us and pours that love into us and that we pour into others. That heals and restores us that restores life, relationships.  We as humans have to know that if we do something good that we are not just doing things in vain, without return. We need to be recharged and filled everyday in order that we dont run dry. But you say isn't that doing good to get something back yes in many ways it is.  But there's a difference you see as Christians we want to be like our Father and how can you be like someone you dont know? How can you pour out what you have if you dont know that it will be replaced? How can you go beyond yourself if you think it will lead to destruction,how can you follow someone you dont know? He walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, He talked to Moses, He walked with Enoch thats what He wants with each one of us. To over come life's battles to love one another to rejoice in His presence and to know that He rejoices with us over every battle that His children have victory over. To win this race we call life and by tapping into the source of all life Him. He has every answer all the power and in the end will greet us will it be with joy or sadness you will be the one that makes that decision.

[Robert]

You know when being a Christian gets fun, when you get close enough to the Lord that you realize that its not by your power or will that things happen but its by the hand of the Lord. That all the dogmas and rules and regs you dont have to follow by command but your just going about life and one day you realize that hey Im doing the things the Bible says are good WOW. That everyday you realize that God is with you everywhere and that all of a sudden you realize that God did that just for you. That when you pray for someone you feel His presence all around you and your not even in church. That you begin to see miracles in your life changes that go beyond explanation. That one day were riding our bikes and somehow, someway, you just got saved from a accident that could have been really bad and you know it was the Lord. If someone is putting laws and regs on you thats religion that dries up the bones thats why you have the dried up Christians they have the law but not the lawgiver. God is love He set up the laws but doesn't have to be the laws, He helps you to live them so you dont get caught in them, but its not by command but by love and  guidance thats when it gets fun. Can you imagine praying for someone and bam their healed of a life threating disease. That you pray for guidance and bam you know that you know that you know the correct decision. I dare to say you and that person would never be the same again. It can happen, how much do you want it, how close do you want to be?????????????
  I look at the Bible as the owners manual of life if the owners manual says I have it then I must have it.

[SANDMAN5]

Wow, Bob!  Be careful there.  It sounds like you may have thrown a stone into your own glass house.

Don't understand. How do you see that? I don't criticize anybody for not going to the
same church as me. Before I invite someone to my church, I first ask them if they're
happy with the one they now attend. If they are, I don't try to talk them out of it.
I've never "intentionally" inferred that all denominational churches
are like the one I attended. (I could expound on that if needed)
As far as "putting on a show", if I'm doing it I'm not aware of it.
So, how big of a stone did I throw?

(Is 'expound' really a word?? I just woke up and I'm not sure.) ???   

[vanagon40]

And I thought this was going to be a long thread with a lot of jokes.  My favorite (although I'm thinking that maybe Serk's joke in the fifth post might replace it as my favorite):

Louie was shipwrecked and lived alone on a desert island for years until he was finally rescued. Before leaving the island, he gave the rescue party a tour. "I built myself a house. That's it there. Here's the barn, and over here is the church I worshiped in."

"What's that building over there?" one of the rescuers asked.

Louie sneered. "That's the church I used to belong to."

[SANDMAN5]

A rich man and another passenger were shipwrecked on an island. The rich
man sat back and relaxed while the other guy ran around frantically trying
to get materials for a signal fire and to spell SOS on the beach. When he
asked the rich man why he wasn't helping, the millionaire said " I make over
$6,000,000 a year and I'm a faithful tither. Believe me, my Pastor WILL find me!"

[Bobbo]

In closing, I look at it this way: If I live a life as described in the Bible, with all my weaknesses and mistakes, and it turns out there is no God, I've lost nothing. However, if I live a life of sin as described in the Bible, and it turns out there is a God, then I've lost everything. I've seen too much in my life in favor of believing as opposed to non-belief.

This is a commonly held, narrow-minded view, and seems to be an attempt to “hedge your bets”.  This viewpoint assumes that there is only black and white, good and evil, a Christian god, or no god.  What if the truth is that Hinduism is correct?  Now you’ve wasted all your time believing in a Christian god, and won’t be reincarnated to continue the cycle of life.  The same goes for every other religious belief.  Who is correct?  Maybe none?

[SANDMAN5]

This is a commonly held, narrow-minded view, and seems to be an attempt to “hedge your bets”.  This viewpoint assumes that there is only black and white, good and evil, a Christian god, or no god.  What if the truth is that Hinduism is correct?  Now you’ve wasted all your time believing in a Christian god, and won’t be reincarnated to continue the cycle of life.  The same goes for every other religious belief.  Who is correct?  Maybe none?

This is an all-too-commonly held, narrow-minded excuse some people use so they can pretty
much do what they want. There IS only one God, the Creator of the universe. The ONLY
living God. He sent His Son to earth on a mission. I'm pretty sure "reincarnation" isn't mentioned
in the Bible. Hinduism is just another religion. Christianity is not about religion at all. I'm not
trying to convince you of anything, God gave you free will to believe what you want. I don't
know of any religion that can get you to Heaven. A religion can "help", they might point you
in the right direction, but that's as far as they can go. It's all in the Bible.   

[Serk]

I can't believe I'm actually getting into this, and I'm sure I'll regret it, but...

Religion: 1) the service and worship of God or the supernatural; 2) a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices.

Yup, Christianity fits that to a t, and thus is a religion.

[Robert]

Bobbo you are so correct, Many wonder why they dont see or hear God in their life as much as they may want and this is part of the reason. Either He is real or not able to do what He says or not, but either way its always better to find out the truth and go on.


The following scripture is not for new Christians and not intended to offend anyone just what the Lord says about doubting.
  My son in law comes to my shop and has a problem with his bike. The rear brake is not working I pull the master cylinder apart and pull out the rubber diaphragm. He says is thats whats wrong I say yes he looks at it and says are you sure?? Then asks me a few more times later. We get the part put it in and it works beautifully and I asked him do you think that was it? He looked at me kinda funny and said yes it was, How do you think God looks at us when we say some things like this?

Jas 1:6  But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.
Jas 1:7  For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,
Jas 1:8  being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Rev 3:15  'I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot.
Rev 3:16  'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.
Rev 3:17  'Because you say, "I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing," and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked,

[SANDMAN5]

No, I disagree. "Christian" means to be "Christ-like", or at least as much as we can.
I don't always get it right, but I keep trying..and learning. Probably, most religions
here in the U.S. are based on the Christian faith, but so many of them (all?) try to
add their own "stuff" to it. Nothing needs to be, or should be, added to what Jesus
did for us...ALL of us. It's totally up to the individual whether or not to accept it.
In short, God loves YOU whether YOU like it or not.  

I agree about regretting getting in to this. It's so easy to misunderstand exactly
what somebody is saying by reading words on a screen. Also hard to say exactly
what you mean yourself. More than once I've ran across an old post of mine and
wondered why I said what I did...or why I worded it that way. Life goes on.

[alph]

A rich man and another passenger were shipwrecked on an island. The rich
man sat back and relaxed while the other guy ran around frantically trying
to get materials for a signal fire and to spell SOS on the beach. When he
asked the rich man why he wasn't helping, the millionaire said " I make over
$6,000,000 a year and I'm a faithful tither. Believe me, my Pastor WILL find me!"

i think i saw that episode of Gilligans Island!!

[hubcapsc]

  What I see in religion (especially in Abrahamic varieties) is many strong consistencies with an effective method of behavioral control.  I believe religions were developed to control people by creating an omnipotent being, which can see and control everything. 

The Spirit versus the Flesh

 16 I say then, walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; these are
     opposed to each other, so that you don't do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

    19 Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions,
         21 envy,  drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar, about which I tell you in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus
        have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. 26 We must not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one
        another.

Jesus is explicitly about self-control, and not at all about being controlled by others...

But since this is a joke thread...

A man was shipwrecked on a deserted island... it took years for him to be rescued. When he was finally rescued, the first thing his rescuers noticed was that
he had built numerous buildings... "What's that one?", one of the rescuers asked... "That's my house"... "What's that one?"... "That's my Church."... "And that one?"... "Oh - that's where I used
to go to Church..."

-Mike

[SANDMAN5]

i think i saw that episode of Gilligans Island!!

Except it was w/o Ginger and MaryAnn.

[alph]

It's all in the Bible.   

Yep, it’s all in there!!   All written by a few 70 year old guys that wandered around selling a religion.  Not to mention when the bible was later put together from many many different manuscripts, the ones that did not show a favor to the emerging church were left out. 

i think i saw that episode of Gilligans Island!!

Except it was w/o Ginger and MaryAnn.

Mary Ann was the hot one!!  I’d post a picture, but that boobies threat got yanked!!!