Adult care givers

[James III]

This is not motorcycle related, but it might be as in my case. It's on my mind, and prayers to Ron and family in this time. If Staff deem my post inappropriate and needs to delete, that's ok.

I read most of the medical, injury, cancer, and fighting of human condition posts and threads here on the site, and am aware of members here in our own chapter doing very well in their fight.
Many of us are at the age and responsibility of adult care giving or have done this. I preface this by noting that I have had the experience with both of my parents, not a wife or child. First with my dad in 87', pancreatic cancer. Followed my mother in 2010. The exact details slowly fade from my mind, both died in there home, in the same room. Each time the lower family room was turned into a full blown hospital room but with the home comforts. Things happened fast with my dad, but it prepared me later for my mothers care. It gave me an awareness that days are twenty four hours long, and never end. Monitors, O2 machines, and other equipment makes sounds you come to recognize as normal. One learns not to be squeamish, panic, or uneasy at needs at hand. Your schedule is not your schedule, it is the schedule of a parents needs. It is a family responsibility that not all can endure or care to. It's often times a solo mission. It takes special people to do this, and I only say that, not of myself being "special" but by knowing the experience first hand; the good, the bad and.....you know the rest. Special people don't run away. No need to detail the experience, if you have or are an adult care giver, your not alone; even though some of the time it may feel that way. Looking back, I have no regrets, both of my parents did ok by me for a lot longer than I was needed to aid them.
This actually is where the motorcycles come in. I always had some kind of motorcycle, dirt bikes, scooters, even had an RD250 or 350 at one time. When my dad became ill; to take a break(often in the middle of the night) I'd hop on my 750 and just go riding to clear my head. It always seemed to take an edge off. Riding has always had that effect on me. You take one responsibility and move it to take on another, ie riding. With my mothers care being lengthy, I actually went through several bikes. My parents were never really ok with me riding motorcycles, but they didn't care for me drag racing either. Mom understood that it was just what I do, her son was a motorhead.
I have no words to describe heart wrenching inside looking back, only admiration for those that are able to be adult care givers. It wasn't easy by no means.

James

[hubcapsc]

I was lucky that many people (my sister, my aunts and uncles, other family members) all
pitched in to help when my mother was bed ridden. My function became going to her
house, instead of work, every Wednesday, and spending all day going to different
hospitals and pharmacies and keeping all the pills up to date, plus filling the little
containers of what pills to take when, and keeping a log book.  She never missed a pill  ...

Anywho, on to the motorcycle related part... during the months that cancer was taking
my mother I day dreamed of a trouble free world where I thump thump thumped down
country roads on a Harley just like the ones my father used to ride.

After she was gone, the day dream came to pass, though in retrospect, It would have
saved me a lot of time and trouble if I had day dreamed about zoom zoom zooming down
country roads on a Valkyrie...

-Mike

[FloridaValkRyder]

What blessed testimony from both of you. James I now know, Mike I do not as yet know. To give of one's self is the ultimate tribute one can pay to a loved one. I believe God rewards people who make this sacrifice. I was fortunate that my parents had the means to be in assisted living and eventually, Hospice of the Comforter. I know many of you have been relegated to the care of a special person. John and Ron are the only names that come to mind, but I'm sure there are others as well. I know it gets frustrating and at times, maddening. The riding, or daydreaming of riding, brought you peace and an escape from your world, even if only for a short time. A gentleman who has become a great friend and a mentor to me struggles with this everyday. It restricts his activities, to some degree, and this frustrates him at times. But the Love he has for the person he looks after seems to over ride everything else. He is a man I have come to respect and admire so much, for the friendship and wisdom he imparts to me, but mostly for his undying devotion to his wife. May God bless you all for what you do and have done in the care of another who needed you.
Jeff

[RonHolly]

Thanks James for the your kind words and sharing your past similar grief with your parents.  You did hit the nail on the head about going out for a ride to clear the head and relieve a some stress.  My wife and I have cared for her dad since 2007 and hospice related care since August this year.  The toughest time has been the last 30 days or so when he has needed help with everything.  Some things were very tough with his bodily functions but you do what you have to do.  He, Conrad, was a simple man with an unselfishness that I rarely see anymore.  If you needed it and he had it, "it was yours with no strings!"  He's had COPD for 30 years, due to chain smoking, and has been on borrowed time.  At 93 he's had a full life and will be missed.  Thanks to all who offered prayers and your thoughts.  Time is near and thought we lost him this morning but he's still hanging in there.  Family flying in from near and far.  
Thanks again, Ron Holloway

[FloridaValkRyder]

I'm so sorry for what seems to be the eventual outcome here today Ron. God Bless your family and all who helped care for him.

[billyboy]

Great post James.     I too have been through that, with my mother, father and
Peggy.    It sure takes alot out of you, but, it does make you stronger.
God bless everyone that has gone through this and those who will.  Stay strong Ron and family.
      Bill

[Grumpy]

I feel for you Ron, I had the same task 20 years ago with my brother. He had liver cancer that had spread, no hope of a cure or help. My wife and I cared for him the last 5 months of his life, he was bed ridden for the last 4 months. It is time consuming, we had no free time during this period, Hospice started coming to the house during the last couple weeks. I truly loved my brother and it was very hard to see the condition he had regressed to. His wife had passed away several years before, so we were all he had. I just did not have the heart to put him in a facility to care for him. He died at home with us, I believe he is in a better place now.

[hogjol55]

James, my story is just the opposite of yours.  Before my wife  got sick I rode daily to work and on my time off Terri was always, always on the back.  She liked to ride more than me, I think. When she got sick I turned my living room into a hospital room. I took care of her, almost by myself for 3 years.  My bike just sat and I eventually sold it.  Since Terri passed I now have 2 valks in my barn, but I have found that I don't enjoy riding anymore because she isn't behind me.  I only ride them enough to keep fuel running thru the carbs.  I am not looking for sympathy, it just feels good to be able to write this down.  Thanks for listening,  JD

[98pacecar]

Since Terri passed I now have 2 valks in my barn, but I have found that I don't enjoy riding anymore because she isn't behind me.  I only ride them enough to keep fuel running thru the carbs.  I am not looking for sympathy, it just feels good to be able to write this down.  Thanks for listening,  JD

In 88 my wife died of breast cancer at home after a 5 year battle, she was 35 years old. At the time my kids were 5 n' 6... We had decided before she went, that I needed to give up biking until they grew up n' left the nest. Which I did, longest 12 years of my life... I think having that time off riding helped me appreciate what I was missing. Also made me realize that I was ultimately going to have to move on n' marry again, Which I did 20 years afterward. Life, once again,, is,,,,,, good.  N' sooooo,,, is the riding... Gonna get the new Valk home Friday after Thanksgiving.          Wishing, you,,,, a similar ''recovery''..................

Jim
 

[John Schmidt]

Yes, these are all very touching posts. My dad visited me at age 89 and was quite ill at the time. Among other things he had trouble controlling bodily functions. I found out I was able to some things for and with him I never thought I was capable of...such as cleaning him after an accident. It never crossed my mind to do otherwise. On a bike trip with some friends out to New Mexico in 1999, we stopped at dad's place in Arkansas on the way home. He was 92 and had just finished memorizing an entire chapter from the Book of Psalms and I got it on video. That was August, 1999, and the last time I saw him alive. He turned 93 the following November and passed away two days after Christmas. My mother had passed away a few years prior, when you lose your mother you feel you've lost an emotional tie. When you lose your father, it's like losing your anchor. Being adopted at age 2, I eventually had two families. Now, I'm the only living member of both.

[RonHolly]

My father-in-law, Conrado Cunanan, passed away this evening at 8:10pm.  Thanks to all for your prayers and best wishes!  He suffered long and is now in a better place.  Thanks for sharing your grief with your loved ones as well.  I wish all a Happy Thanksgiving.  God bless all.  Ron

(I just wish he had not died on my birthday!  Now I'll always remember it.)

[TJ]

R.I.P.

[indiandave]

Sorry for your lost, And Happy B day. Bunddle up before you get in the Wind today - that always gettes me to a better place.
David

[Bert AKA,Valkaholic]

May God Bless You and Your Family in this time of Loss of a Family Member.
Happy Birthday and Hope You and Yours have a Great Thanksgiving,Bert.

[flsix]

Ron I'm very sorry to hear that your father-in-law died. He's not suffering anymore and that alone is a comfort. Prayers are going out for you and your family.

[larue]

May God gives you the strength to carry on. sorry for your loss brother

[James III]

Condolences to your wife and family Ron. In these times Mary Stevenson's poem "footprints in the Sand", comes to mind.

James

[F6MoRider]

Ron, sorry for your loss.  We know the hurt and disconnected feelings of losing a loved one, just know you are not alone.  In his memory, celebrate the things about him you admire, remember the way he said certain things, write them down while they are fresh in your mind.   Refer to them as life throws things at you, your memories of him will provide strength and distraction from the awfulness this broken world can inflict and it will make you smile when things are great.  My mother's purse, still untouched three years after her death, still sits in my closet and reminds me of her every day and makes me remember different things each time I see it.  But I know she is in a far better place where she's cared for, a place without the pain, suffering or illness she experienced on this earth.  I hope to one day see her again and I'm grateful and thankful for her. 

[Tundra]

Sorry for your loss Ron, our condolences to you and yours.
Doug & Andrea