Just to make you feel better (HUMOR)

[fuzzy2bucks]

This is Wyoming State Patrol Humor....And it's funny..



POLICE HUMOR - WYOMING STATE POLICE - GOTTA LOVE 'EM!!!!!
 



IN MOST OF THE NORTHERN STATES, THERE IS A POLICY OF CHECKING ON
ANY STALLED VEHICLE ON THE HIGHWAY WHEN THE TEMPERATURES DROP
DOWN TO THE SINGLE DIGITS OR BELOW.


 


ABOUT 3 A.M.  ONE VERY COLD MORNING IN MARCH 2004, A STATE POLICE
OFFICER RESPONDED TO A CALL: THERE WAS A CAR OFF THE SHOULDER OF THE
ROAD ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF CASPER.  HE LOCATED THE CAR, STUCK IN DEEP SNOW
AND WITH THE ENGINE STILL RUNNING.


 


PULLING IN BEHIND THE CAR WITH HIS EMERGENCY LIGHTS ON, THE OFFICER
WALKED TO THE DRIVER'S DOOR TO FIND AN OLDER MAN PASSED OUT BEHIND THE
WHEEL WITH A NEARLY EMPTY VODKA BOTTLE ON THE SEAT BESIDE HIM.
 


THE DRIVER CAME AWAKE WHEN THE OFFICER TAPPED ON THE WINDOW.
SEEING THE ROTATING LIGHTS IN HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR AND THE STATE
POLICEMAND STANDING NEXT TO HIS CAR, THE MAN PANICKED, JERKED THE
GEARSHIFT INTO "DRIVE" AND HIT THE GAS.  THE CAR'S SPEEDOMOTER WAS
SHOWING 20-30-40 AND THEN 50 MPH, BUT IT WAS STILL STUCK IN THE SNOW,
WHEELS SPINNING.
 


THE POLICEMAN, HAVING A SENSE OF HUMOR, BEGAN RUNNING IN PLACE
NEXT TO THE SPEEDING, BUT STILL STATIONARY, CAR.
 


THE DRIVER WAS TOTALLY FREAKED THINKING THE OFFICER WAS ACTUALLY
KEEPING UP WITH HIM.

 


THIS GOES ON FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS WHEN THE PATROLMAN YELLED AT
THE MAN ORDERING HIM TO "PULL OVER!" THE MAN OBEYED, TURNED HIS
WHEEL AND STOPPED THE ENGINE.
 


NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE MAN FROM CASPER WAS ARRESTED AND IS PROBABLY
STILL SHAKING HIS HEAD OVER THE STATE PATROLMAN WHO COULD RUN 50 MILES
PER HOUR.
..


WHO SAYS POLICEMAN DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

[fuzzy2bucks]

Which Language


A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference
Canadian, Australian, and French navies.


At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of
half a dozen or so officers that included personnel
from most of the countries.



Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French
Admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans
learn many languages, Americans learn only English.  He
then asked:  "Why is it that we always have to speak
English in these conferences rather than speaking
French?"


Without hesitating, the American Admiral
replied, "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians,
Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't
have to speak German, or even Russian.






`

[fuzzy2bucks]

Finally a picture of the Pot O' ____   at the end of the Rainbow.


*







,

[Westernbiker]

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

 

 

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.



The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.  They were sitting on beach chairs,



enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them.  They couldn't help but stare.

             

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.  They were both stunned.  How in the world did she know they were priests?  So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.



These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!  Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.  After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.  Again she nodded at each of them, said  'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.  One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,  'Just a minute, young lady.'
'Yes, Father?'
 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied,     
'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.

[fuzzy2bucks]

                            :2funny                             

[Westernbiker]

Give us new missiles!

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.

In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.

Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.

His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.

He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles."

"No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"

[Westernbiker]

Proud Texan Father
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

"Yup, shore am!"

"How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

 

[fuzzy2bucks]

Looks like those Syrians didn't get any kind of Warranty on the Russian Missiles.

[fuzzy2bucks]

I don't profess to be a connoisseur of fine  asses,
but in my humble opinion, this is the  cutest ass you will ever see !
    
*





*





*






*

[fuzzy2bucks]

Never pick up a Cub Bear without looking around !
`



*






*

[fuzzy2bucks]

Old Fire Truck



One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around.


When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant! They must be saved, and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.


Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.


From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine operated by these old Norwegians passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.


Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old-timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norsk old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.


The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norsk fire fighters.


The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the
event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief,

*


*



*


 "da furst thing ve do is fix da brakes on dat damn Studebaker truck!"

 

[fuzzy2bucks]

The Ultimate Blonde



She was Soooooooo Blonde. . .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.


* She thought General Motors was in the army.

 
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.


* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.


* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."



She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.


* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.


* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."



She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.

 
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."


* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."


 
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.



She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.

 
* She sold the car for gas money.

 
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

 
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.




She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
 

 * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.


* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

 
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
 


AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:



She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...



She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

[grizs50]

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?..........A golden Retreiver

What do you call a Blonde with 2 brains cells?.......Pregnant

What do you call it when one blonde blows in another blondes ear?......Data Transfer
 

[Westernbiker]

Republicans Democrats


The difference between Republicans & Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.

[grizs50]

Republicans Democrats


The difference between Republicans & Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.

This is SO TRUE!!!

[fuzzy2bucks]

Pulled over for speeding





A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding...



Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
 





Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.




 Older Woman: Oh, I see.
 





Officer: Can I see your license please?




Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
 





Officer: Don't have one?




 Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
 





Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..




 Older Woman: I can't do that.
 




Officer: Why not?





Older Woman: I stole this car.




 Officer: Stole it?
 





Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.




 Officer: You what?





Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
 





The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.


 



 A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
 

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!




 The woman steps out of her vehicle.
 





Older woman: Is there a problem sir?





Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
 





Older Woman: Murdered the owner?





Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.





The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.




 Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
 





Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.




 The officer is quite stunned.
 





Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.




 The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
 





The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.




 Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

[x]

Finally a picture of the Pot O' ____   at the end of the Rainbow.

I do believe you got the wrong photo.

[Westernbiker]

RATED PG13


Poor guy

 
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[Westernbiker]

A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall tower stand along Highway 16 near Vanderhoof , BC early one cold December morning.

Suddenly, a huge buck walked out over the corn they had spread in the low shrubs The buck was magnificent..... a once in a lifetime animal.
His rack was huge. The hunter's hand shook as his mind was already counting the Boone and Crockett points.
Moving quickly, the hunter carefully aimed the Leopold scope on his 300 Win Mag at the unsuspecting buck.
As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing slowly down Highway 16.
The hunter pulled away from the gunstock, set the rifle down, took off his hat, bowed his head and then closed his eyes in prayer. His friend was stunned.
"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen you do. You actually let that trophy deer go to pay respects to a passing funeral procession.
You are indeed the kindest man I have ever known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend."

The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 37 years “.

[fuzzy2bucks]

Lawyer Sues...


An attorney who slipped on a banana skin outside the courthouse has filed charges of negligence.

The headline in the paper reads .  .  .     .      "Lawyer sues for being overturned on a Peel"

[fuzzy2bucks]

Indian Chief worn out



Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty
year old wife for two twenty year olds?


A couple of weeks later a fellow brave saw him back with his original forty-
year old wife.


He said, "What happened to your two twenty-year-olds?"



*






*

The Chief replied, "Me no wired for 220!"

[Westernbiker]

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

[Westernbiker]

A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," the doctor observed.

To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He looks to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He looks to the 3rd mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says... "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"

[fuzzy2bucks]

Chief Bowels


Once there was this Indian chief named Chief Bowels. The neighboring town wanted to build a golf course on his land, and this made the chief very angry, so he sends a messenger to the council office, which was in the same building as a doctor's office.



The messenger goes in the wrong door, goes to the doctor and says, "Bowels not move". So the doctor gives him a pill. The messenger takes the pill back to the chief.



The next day, the messenger is back, and says , "Bowels still not move". So the doctor gives him a stronger pill.



The next day, same thing, the messenger comes back "Bowels STILL no move" So the doctor gives him the strongest pills he has.



The next day, the messenger comes back, and says "Bowels HAD to move. Tepee full of #$%*"

[fuzzy2bucks]

Grizzley Bear



An American and his Czechoslovakian friend were out walking in the forest. They rounded a corner and right in front of them stood a giant grizzly bear. Before they could make a move, the bear jumped up and ate the European.



The American turned and ran. He pulled out his cell phone and called the local forest ranger. In no time, an experienced ranger was upon the scene, and they headed back to find the man eating bear.



They neared the site where the man was eaten. They came upon two bears, a male and a female.
 

The ranger asked the American which bear ate his friend. The American replied that it was the male, the bigger of the two.



With that, the fearless ranger pulled out his hunting knife, and with one fell swoop, slashed open the belly of the female, and out popped the man's friend.


"Never trust someone when they say the Czech is in the male."

[Westernbiker]

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Now I did not see that one coming! LMAO! 

[fuzzy2bucks]

Boss



This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?"


The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000."


"What does he know?"
"He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions."


"How about the second one?"
"The second parrot costs $5,000."
"What does he know?"
"He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs."



"Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering."
"This one costs $20,000."
"Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?"



"This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'THEIR BOSS.'"

[fuzzy2bucks]

PG13


Fiddler at the dance



This old man was playing the fiddle at a barn dance.


He was sitting on an old pickle barrel and his pants zipper was unzipped. While playing the family jewels fell out and were hanging down in the barrel.


 An old lady observed all of this and felt obligated to tell him what had taken place.


She went up to him and said, "Do you know your zipper's unzipped and all of the family jewels are hanging in the pickle barrel"?  .  .  .  .  .



*

The old man said, "No lady, but if you can hum it,  I'll play it".

[Westernbiker]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"

[fuzzy2bucks]

                    

[fuzzy2bucks]

~  New Red Nosed Sleigh Guiding Rudolf ~

She could guide my Valk this Christmas.



*









*





`











`

[fuzzy2bucks]

Past Romance



An older couple were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

 
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."


Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.


A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."!


Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.


Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked. . .


*




*









*

"To get my teeth!"

[fuzzy2bucks]

Ghost sex



A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'



About 90 students raise their hands.



Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'


About 40 students raise their hands..



That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'



About 15 students raise their hand.





Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'



Three students raise their hands.



That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'



Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.



 

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'



The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.



When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'



Ahmed replied,



"S**t,  from way back there I thought you said Goats."










`

[fuzzy2bucks]

Alzheimers Test for Seniors


I know you are a little bit young for this but...
~~~~~~


How fast can you guess these words :


1. F_ _K?


2. PU_S_?


3. S_X?


4. P_N_S?


5. BOO_S?


6. _ _NDOM?




 
 
 
 
 
 
Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

Now what was the overriding thought in your mind?









`

[fuzzy2bucks]

Ordering Breakfast in a Restaurant



A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"



He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."



The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"



Again the man thoroughly looks her over and, again, answers, "A quickie, please."



This time her anger takes over. She reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.



A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,


*




*




"Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced `quiche'."










`

[Jess from VA]

Ahmed replied,
"S**t,  from way back there I thought you said Goats."

 

[fuzzy2bucks]

The bath tub test



It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started:


 
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.



"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."


 
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."





"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"









`

[Chrisj CMA]

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh .......
 
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thing' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.

[fuzzy2bucks]

Tie the Knot


A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?"


The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her snapper.

 
"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother. So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night.


While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough.


She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous fart as she did so. Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.



"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.



He replied, "Golley woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to throw any meat at it."









`

[Westernbiker]

Father: Son if you keep masterbating you'll go blind.
Son: Dad, I'm over here.