Thinking it's time for a joke thread.

[h13man]

So far no incidents in our area.  

https://www.hondashadow.net/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,onerror=redirect,width=1920,height=1920,fit=scale-down/https://www.hondashadow.net/attachments/1749562122232-png.325027/

[DIGGER]

So far no incidents in our area.  

https://www.hondashadow.net/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,onerror=redirect,width=1920,height=1920,fit=scale-down/https://www.hondashadow.net/attachments/1749562122232-png.325027/

RUTRO....

[Mooskee]

Spring is in the air. Is that a good thing?
Well that depends on the context.
A warm day in March? yes.
Cleaning your ridle? No.

[DIGGER]

There are no Walmarts in Iran....only Targets....

[da prez]

  How did the blond break both legs raking leaves?

                          She fell out of the tree.

                                                                     da prez

[DIGGER]

To the theif who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops....

Remember....you can hide but you cant run....

[DIGGER]

Responding to a  RSVP wedding invitation "Maybe Next Time"....
was not a " politically correct" response....

[DIGGER]

When a woman asks you to guess her weight....
Its like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb...

[DIGGER]

Did you hear about the town that legalised marijuana but banned alcohol???
The residents were left high and dry....

[John Schmidt]

Putting an Alka-Seltzer in my mouth and walking into an Aldis super market yelling "the virus has mutated" isn't considered funny.

[DIGGER]

My cross eyed wife and I just got a divorce....
We just didnt see eye to eye....
Also...I recently found out she was seeing someone on the side.....

[DIGGER]

Im writing a book about all the things I ought to be doing.
Im gonna call it my "Oughtobiography"....

[DIGGER]

"Lead me not into Temptation"......
Oh, who am I kidding?.....
Follow me...I know a shortcut....

[DIGGER]

Me and my crosseyed wife are getting a divorce.....we just dont see eye to eye.....
Lately I've been suspecting that she is seeing someone on the side....

[DIGGER]

"DO NOT TOUCH".....must be
One of the scariest tings to read in "Braile"....

[bassman]

There are no WalMarts in Iran......only Targets.

[DIGGER]

If riding motorcycles gives you short term memory loss.....
Just think what riding motorcycles would do....

[HayHauler]

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for impersonating Sting?

He turned himself into The Police.


Hay 
Jimmyt

[HayHauler]

I've just invented a new game which I'm calling silent tennis.

It's just like normal tennis but without the racket. 

Hay
Jimmyt

[HayHauler]

Have you heard that noodles are being presented at church instead of wafers?

It's a new group of Ramen Catholics.

Hay 
Jimmyt

[DIGGER]

https://www.facebook.com/reel/2177074122735317

[DIGGER]

I know that Jesus has the wheel.....
But sometimes I think we offroading...

[HayHauler]

Animal behavior researchers say the Alpha-posture of a small dog isn't from temperament but from a distinct and stable role they play in a pack.

The role of sub-woofer


Hay 
Jimmyt

[HayHauler]

My Swedish car broke down today.

But nobody wants to hear my Saab story.

Hay 
Jimmyt

[DIGGER]

A lip ring does not make you attractive....
It makes you look like a fish that got away......

[Mooskee]

I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf.

"Where?" she asked.

"No. Regular"

[HayHauler]

If a jellyfish stings you, you just need to pee on it.

But the main problem is, where do I find this jellyfish again in the ocean?

Hay 
Jimmyt

[HayHauler]

I've just invented a new game which I'm calling silent tennis.

It's just like normal tennis but without the racket.

Hay 
Jimmyt

[Mooskee]

A kid moves to Florida and sees a Walmart that also sells trucks. He met the manager and said I need a job. The manager asks, "Have you sold before?" Kid answers "Yes, vacuums in S Dakota." The manager hires the kid, and the next morning asks the kid "How many customers did you sell to yesterday?" Kid says one. The manager says our people sell 20-25 customers a day and if you don't improve, we'll have to let you go. How much did you sell the one customer? The kid answers $134,000. The manager asks, "What did you sell?" Kid answers "fishhooks, then a fishing pole, then a fishing boat and the customer says, "I can't pull that large boat with my car."  So, I sold him a new truck and that's what I sold to my only customer." The manager says "Wow! How did you do all that selling? Kid says "well, a guy came in asking for tampons for his wife on Friday and I said that sure messes up your weekend, you should go fishing."

[Mooskee]

[Mooskee]

[John Schmidt]

Gee...he must live in Wisconsin. And everybody thinks watching the Packers is the favorite pastime up here! 

[DIGGER]

Know why the French like to eat snails?....
They dont like fast foods....

[DIGGER]

I know I have the right to remain silent....
But ohhhhh.....I dont have the ability....

[HayHauler]

When a kid says "Daddy, I want Mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to talk to your supervisor".

Hay 
Jimmyt

[HayHauler]

Some of my friends exercise everyday.  Meanwhile, I am watching a TV show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.

Hay 
Jimmyt

[HayHauler]

Weight loss goal.  To be able to trim my toenails and breathe at the same time.   

Hay 
Jimmyt

[DIGGER]

I dont know about an inner child ...but... I have an
inner idiot that surfaces now and then....

[RP#62]

RP

[HayHauler]

Critics say Botox is too expensive, but i spoke to fifty people who paid for the treatment..

and none of them looked surprised.

Hay 
Jimmyt