How will you face your own death?

[Fritz The Cat]

Been thinking about this lately. Personally I believe that death is as much a part of life as birth is and that when you die you back to where you were before you became alive, wherever that may be. My mom died of Alzheimer's so she wasn't actually there when she died. My dad cried like a baby when he was told he was dying but came to accept it in the end. He supposedly found Jesus on his deathbed. Knowing him like I did, that's a joke and a half.

Had a good friend who died of lung cancer. He would tell you in a heartbeat that it was nobody's business but his that he smoked and he considered it a God given right. When the doctor told him he had advanced stage lung cancer he did a complete 180 and preached against smoking to his dying day. I think he was hoping for a second chance for changing his ways but it never came. Had another friend who considered dying a personal affair. She died alone without even her family knowing she was dying. The truth came out after the fact and nobody who knew her was surprised. She loved to say she would never put anyone through what she went through with her dying husband and she kept her word.

Seems like nobody really knows how they'll handle the final act of their lives. We can all philosophize  about it be very few will actually face their end as planned. Personally I believe a fast death is preferable to a slow, lingering, painful death but then a fast death scares me even more than a slow one. Like Jim Croce said "I'm tired of livin' but I'm scared of dyin'". I think most people reach that point if they live long enough.

Thanks for reading.
   

[Willow]

Maybe a related question is how do you deal with your own life.  the answer to that question may well dictate how you'll face your own death, if you are given the opportunity of some advanced warning.

That advanced warning is not guaranteed.  What we all do experience is multiple choices on how to deal with, use, the life we've been given. 

[Patrick]

I'm not sure many can answer that. Most probably don't give it any thought, those that do probably have their opinions. But, I doubt anyone knows for sure until the time comes.

[flsix]

Mine will no doubt come about because I am riding Darkside.

All kidding aside, I have witnessed friends and family going through their last days here on earth. Something that makes a profound difference in the way death is approached is the persons faith or lack thereof. If you know that there is a place immensely better than this waiting for you when you shed this earthly body it makes the leaving easer.

Conversely, if there is doubt in the persons mind about what comes next, there is a real struggle with their willingness to even think about dying.

I'm comfortable with the though of my own death, and like you would prefer a quick death.

[hubcapsc]

I hope to go in my sleep, like a friend of mine did... instead of screaming
in terror, like the passengers in his car...

-Mike "humor, because I don't know the answer..."

[Chrisj CMA]

Two years ago when my bicycle tried to kill me, the Dr's said they found 5 things that needed to be investigated.  He said Im not trying to scare you but if any of these things are related its probably cancer.

Gee thanks, thanks for not trying to scare me.  

Well that week while I was waiting for the first test, I thought with my luck, what are the chances of getting through the 5 ways to die unscathed?  I thought pretty low.  But I evaluated my life and thought..........bud, you lived life, you made impacts that you are pleased with, no regrets.....more than some can say......so I told God I was ready if he was.  He wasn't. LOL  After over a year of tests...all 5 things turned out "normal" (as normal as normal can be for me)

What I am saying is its just like riding your motorcycle and a possible crash situation arises.  Death is definitely going to arise.  Ride it until the end.  Just keep living, because we are all going to live right up to the moment we die.  That's what Im gonna do.  

[Fritz The Cat]

I think sooner or later everyone ponders this question, unless they die young and then it's irrelevant. As to what's beyond death's door, well, that's unknowable. But we'll all know, if there is something. If there's nothing then everything is irrelevant.

As much as I'd like to believe there's a God and a Heaven, my experience on this earth has led me to seriously doubt this. All religions are predatory institutions who use people's faith to exploit and control them.

"The real tragedy of life is not death, it's what dies in a person while they live" - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

[Moonshot_1]

The great philosopher Stephen Wright once said "I plan to live forever. So far so good"

Don't much give death any thought. When you go to a cemetery and see the dates on the stones "Born 1925 - Died 2010" the most important part of that is the " - ".

[The emperor has no clothes]

I hope to go in my sleep, like a friend of mine did... instead of screaming
in terror, like the passengers in his car...

-Mike "humor, because I don't know the answer..."

Two years ago when my bicycle tried to kill me

So you've dodged a cement mixer and a bicycle in the last couple years ? Good thing you've got those cat-like reflexes

[Hoser]

Maybe a related question is how do you deal with your own life.  the answer to that question may well dictate how you'll face your own death, if you are given the opportunity of some advanced warning.

That advanced warning is not guaranteed.  What we all do experience is multiple choices on how to deal with, use, the life we've been given. 

I don't want any advance warning.  Hoser

[Patrick]

Most folks when asked if they would like to know when the time was, most said they didn't want to know. I guess I don't either.
I've seen quite a bit of this, and, some folks handle the situation well. I think I will do the same, time will tell.

[BF]

It's good to be alive.....'cause I almost wasn't.  

Spent the month of June undergoing cancer surgery.  Went there June the 9th, finally got home July the 9th.  

There were a bunch of complications.....lungs collapsed, kidney (I only have one) failed, tumor wrapped around major ateries seriously complicating the surgury, couldn't wake me up for several days....I have no memory for about 2 and a 1/2 weeks, etc, etc, etc.  

When I did wake up, I was virtually paralized.....legs didn't work, arms didn't work....couldn't move them or me.  

When I went into the hospital for the surgury, I had no idea that all of that was a possiblity.  I had no concerns for my mortality....I thought it was going to be about like it was the last time.  

The last time back in 2005 when they took my other kidney out, I didn't go through any of that.  They cut me open, gutted me, sewed me up and home I went.  Sure, I was seriously sore, but I wasn't disabled and didn't come anywhere near death like I just did this summer.  

Before, I would have told you that I was afraid to die.....now, and I don't know why....I'm not so worried anymore.  

[TimG]

A good little read regarding "Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed" at this link (copy and paste)
http://topinfopost.com/2014/05/12/top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed

In summary:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

[Fritz The Cat]

Before, I would have told you that I was afraid to die.....now, and I don't know why....I'm not so worried anymore.  

This seems the universal among those who have had an NDE.

[RainMaker]

I could go tomorrow and feel like it was OK to do so.  I hope that doesn't happen.

I'm not as worried about facing my own death as I am facing the death of my wife and/or my children.  

I think dying is easier for the one that dies than the ones left behind, especially if there is a life well lived that is lost.

[Bighead]

every man dies but not every man LIVES!

[Rams]

Hopefully, we'll all pass doing whatever makes us happiest.   

Since most of us won't know the Grim Reaper is knocking  on our door, it's impossible to say how  we're gonna greet him.     Although I've done many really dangerous things in my life (some pretty stupid), I can say that I always expected to survive by my own intellect, skills and physical capabilities.     

All but that one time I was medevac'd.    I can say that I wasn't afraid for myself.    I distinctly remember asking God to watch over my family, friends and loved ones.    After that prayer, I simply relaxed and asked God to make his decision.     He must have had other plans or was too busy to take a look at my tally sheet.   Or, maybe he did and decided I needed more time to balance things out.    Not sure but, I've been there.    Next time, I may not be so lucky or blessed.   

[cookiedough]

I try not to overthink death when it comes, it will come can't avoid it usually.

I just hope it is quick and painless is all.

When my Dad died in the hospital Xmas night in 2008 visiting him until his final breath I could just tell he knew it was him time, but my mom who is a worry wort to the EXTREME,  I could tell my Dad didn't want to go into much detail over his ending time.  I was feeding him ice chips one second and that very next second,  he went in a state of non-coherency like in a comma and didn't answer my question if he was o.k. and never spoke a word nor blinked or moved the next 12 hours until his last gasp for breath the next morning.  Man, that was a VERY rough night with NO sleep.    I think he was giving up on his life and his chances of recouping after his emergency pacemaker was installed about 1-2 months prior to the end since his heartbeats were down to 32 beats per minute.   I just hope my mom who has alztheimers goes in such a way that is peaceful other than that her health is pretty good at age 72.  Dad at age 76 had COPD was a smoker for 20+ years and drank heavily daily with 3 spinal cord surgeries very serious in his mid 50's forced him to retire at age 55 which he literally was crying over since he worked all his life and now my mom who body wise is o.k. but the mind is starting to go.

[bigguy]

I'm not sure if this is an actual answer to the question. It's just my personal observation.
In September of 2011 I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. There are two general types of bladder cancer, Non-invasive papillary urothelial carcinoma, and Flat urothelial carcinoma. The first is superficial and responds well to treatment. The second is a nasty, aggressive cancer that does not respond to chemotherapy or radiation. If the diagnosis is for the second type and it has progressed into the muscle tissue, then they don't even bother with surgery. they just send you home with a contact for a hospice. I had  a biopsy to confirm the initial diagnosis on a Wednesday, preceding a three day weekend. I didn't want to go into a three day weekend with this hanging over my head, so just after noon on Friday I called to see if I could get the results. The person I spoke with confirmed that the test results were in, but said I'd have to speak with my doctor. They also wanted to move my appointment up from Wednesday to Monday morning.
Wow! I'd had another test about a year earlier for something else. A nurse at the doctors office had called me just prior to a weekend to let me know the results were negative (good) so that I wouldn't have to worry about it over the weekend. Now I was being told I'd have to speak to the doctor, and they didn't even want to wait an additional two days.
Now let me interject at this point that things turned out fine. I did have the nasty cancer, but it was still confined to the lining and removal of the bladder has left me cancer free. But on that Friday afternoon in September of 2011, the picture didn't look so good. At first I thought I was handling it fairly stoically, but in less than 15 minutes I realized that I wasn't. I soon realized that if somebody came into my office, I would not be able to present myself in what i considered an acceptable manner. Standing up, I was surprised to find it difficult to even walk. I eventually found a secluded storage area and sat down to emotionally deal with this information.
One thing was abundantly clear. I'd watched a friend die of cancer about 10 years earlier. His last days were spent at home under hospice care. They were not pleasant. His family had to watch him in his last couple of weeks helpless and in agony that neither he nor they could aleve. They increased the narcotics to the point that he never really regained consciousness. But even asleep, you could watch his face contort in pain. I was not going out like that under any circumstances.
I wanted to fight the good fight as long as I could. If I could have gone on past the point where I could do what was necessary on my own, I would have. But under no circumstances was I going to wind up helpless, suffering unimaginable agony in name of somebody else's morality. So I decided that before I got to that point, I'd do what was necessary by my own hand.
Now for the methodology. Pills or a pistol would be quick and easy for me. But I wasn't going to leave a mess for Sharon to find, and I've got family that would have trouble with suicide. Mrs Sharon doesn't ride on her own so as soon as I was gone, she'd get rid of the Valk. It could have gone to my son, but I was going to be a little bit selfish on this. I'd take a solo trip up to the Talimena scenic drive and have the ride of my life. And I'd find a corner and keep pushing the limit until I found the outer edge of the envelope. Not exactly suicide. I wouldn't intentionally just run off the edge, but I'd find the limits of my ability to hold it in a corner.
Actually planning this, I was concerned with those last few seconds. That sick feeling of weightlessness as the ground or trees rushed up to greet me. Would I push away from the bike in free fall, or hold onto it. Hopefully it would be clean at impact. Would I regret this decision in that last second? If I've chosen my spot well, I'd never really feel the impact. And as the mess would be cleaned up by ASPD, Mrs Sharon wouldn't have to see it.
The hardest part would be that last kiss before heading out. Telling her I'd see her that night, knowing that I wouldn't. Those last couple of hours on the run up to and over the mountain, knowing I'd never see or hold her again. That would be the hard part.
They would wonder if I'd missed the corner on purpose, but they wouldn't know. Each of my relatives could come to the conclusion they best could live with.
Fortunately, none of that was necessary.

[Paxton]

I am not afraid of death but I am terrified about the last 10 seconds before it happens! Sort of like the tree does not want to get out of your way!!

BTW, we begin to die the moment we are born. Such is the nature of the slow decomposition process.
The moment we die, the rate of decomposition accelerates like a rocket.

Personally, I don't care to be remembered. You are forgotten about 36 hours after they dispose of your body anyways... 
well, maybe a little longer for some.
I never procreated, by choice. There won't be kids or grandkids to follow my legacy, if there is ever one.
I do have 4 nephews, three of which are already fightin' over which Valkyrie they'll inherit!  ???
The fourth wants my '66 Bronco.

[Robert]

I think sooner or later everyone ponders this question, unless they die young and then it's irrelevant. As to what's beyond death's door, well, that's unknowable. But we'll all know, if there is something. If there's nothing then everything is irrelevant.

As much as I'd like to believe there's a God and a Heaven, my experience on this earth has led me to seriously doubt this. All religions are predatory institutions who use people's faith to exploit and control them.

"The real tragedy of life is not death, it's what dies in a person while they live" - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

I would agree with you on the institutions but why because of other men would you deny yourself a relationship with the Lord

As for dying no I really dont want to but I am not particularly scared about it either. Its a unknown not because I have not seen and heard stories and not because I had a experience with the Lord that let me look at the majesty, beauty, peace and glory that I saw and experienced. But until I experience it it still is a unknown and I enjoy for the most part my life here. I keep my mind from wandering in the morbid fascinations that this life and subject can bring up by remembering all the stories of NDE experiences ,that we are eternal beings, and that He will never leave us nor forsake us, that its a door. I remember all the words of the Bible that even Moses reappeared in spirit and all the experiences that have happened in it. I have heard stories of being raised from the dead and a preacher upset over his wife's death prayed and she came back into her body and believe it or not they spoke and decided to let her go. Jesus when he was crucified did not die like a normal man, He could not be killed but gave up His life. This was witnessed by many and even a Roman guard. When flogging it would have killed a normal man but it was not his time. That is why the guards were admonished because He was so bad that it should have killed Him. The bottom line it was not His, time like I see each of us its not our time otherwise we would not be here. So I live the best I can not concentrating on the end but the race to be won. To enjoy this gift I have been given called life to experience what I can to help those I can to do the will of my Father the best I can. The Bible has one passed that says angels long to look into this thing called life. What a glorius gift for the time we are given to experience those things we choose to with help from God to keep the bad things away. 

[Fritz The Cat]

I was raised a Southern Baptist and the problem I've always had with the Bible is that people interpret it to suit their needs. It can be twisted and shaped into anything you want it to say. Christianity is all about the money and nothing else. I've sat thru more sermons than I care to admit where the pastor used to Bible to fleece his flock. The sermon that finally made me give up religion was titled "The Church Doesn't Need You Money". Of course the message was the opposite. The previous Sunday's sermon was about the evils of the Lottery which was on the way to starting up in Georgia. The pastor didn't mention the Bible once during the entire sermon. It was nothing more than a political diatribe. Some asked him after the sermon if he would accept a sizable donation from someone who had just won and his response was "Of course I would, better the money go to do the Lord's work than Satan's". I thought to myself BS. This set the stage for my next Sundays permanent exit. It was years before I attended a church service and the next, at the prodding of a good friend, totally drove me away from Christianity. It started with a parishioner crying at the pulpit as she explained how her family had been tithing 10% of their net income rather than there gross. But the make up for it they were going to tith 12% of their gross. She got a standing ovation and you can guess what the pastor's sermon was about.

Screw religion. I'd rather go to hell for being what I am than go to heaven for being what I am not.   

[PAVALKER]

Death is inevitable for everyone, we face it everyday but don't dwell on it much I'd imagine.  Advance warning?  I'd imagine if you made it this far, you know it's coming...but not exactly sure just when or how....that/this is your advance warning.  I would imagine that those who chose to prepare for their final arrangements (funeral/burial arrangements, will/living will)....have faced it to some degree at least, and maybe more so than many others.

[Chrisj CMA]

I was raised a Southern Baptist and the problem I've always had with the Bible is that people interpret it to suit their needs. It can be twisted and shaped into anything you want it to say. Christianity is all about the money and nothing else. I've sat thru more sermons than I care to admit where the pastor used to Bible to fleece his flock. The sermon that finally made me give up religion was titled "The Church Doesn't Need You Money". Of course the message was the opposite. The previous Sunday's sermon was about the evils of the Lottery which was on the way to starting up in Georgia. The pastor didn't mention the Bible once during the entire sermon. It was nothing more than a political diatribe. Some asked him after the sermon if he would accept a sizable donation from someone who had just won and his response was "Of course I would, better the money go to do the Lord's work than Satan's". I thought to myself BS. This set the stage for my next Sundays permanent exit. It was years before I attended a church service and the next, at the prodding of a good friend, totally drove me away from Christianity. It started with a parishioner crying at the pulpit as she explained how her family had been tithing 10% of their net income rather than there gross. But the make up for it they were going to tith 12% of their gross. She got a standing ovation and you can guess what the pastor's sermon was about.

Screw religion. I'd rather go to hell for being what I am than go to heaven for being what I am not.   

Ya, I don't really care for religion.  I don't think being called religious is a compliment.  Knowing God through his Son, Jesus is what it takes to make it to heaven, not being a member of any church or of any religion. 

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.  If you know Jesus and follow his word that's more important that sitting in a pew, but chances are if you continue in the Lord you will find a church you can enjoy someday

[cma1]

very well (and correctly) said chris. if sitting in church would make you a Christian, sitting in your garage would make you a car.

so, what kind of oil do you recommend ?

D.C.C.
25 years CMA (active)

[Valkorado]

Well I'm definitely not a religious, church going or bible thumping man but I've never received a bill for saying a prayer.    

[RDAbull]

I have watched friends and family die of cancer. An awful way to go. I have always said that when given the final notice by my very competent friend the Doctor, step out and get a carton of Marlboros, (I still miss my Marlboros) a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Percocet.  When the Marlboros are gone, so am I.  I have already made the arraignments for the ole bod to go to a medical school.
No funeral, no memorial, everybody to get on with life the next day.
I don't know if I will have the courage to do it or not, won't know until the time comes but that's the plan.  I just hope that I am able to make the choice.
I spent most of my life in the Catholic faith, but that doesn't seem as important as it used to.

[Robert]

I was raised a Southern Baptist and the problem I've always had with the Bible is that people interpret it to suit their needs. It can be twisted and shaped into anything you want it to say. Christianity is all about the money and nothing else. I've sat thru more sermons than I care to admit where the pastor used to Bible to fleece his flock. The sermon that finally made me give up religion was titled "The Church Doesn't Need You Money". Of course the message was the opposite. The previous Sunday's sermon was about the evils of the Lottery which was on the way to starting up in Georgia. The pastor didn't mention the Bible once during the entire sermon. It was nothing more than a political diatribe. Some asked him after the sermon if he would accept a sizable donation from someone who had just won and his response was "Of course I would, better the money go to do the Lord's work than Satan's". I thought to myself BS. This set the stage for my next Sundays permanent exit. It was years before I attended a church service and the next, at the prodding of a good friend, totally drove me away from Christianity. It started with a parishioner crying at the pulpit as she explained how her family had been tithing 10% of their net income rather than there gross. But the make up for it they were going to tith 12% of their gross. She got a standing ovation and you can guess what the pastor's sermon was about.

Screw religion. I'd rather go to hell for being what I am than go to heaven for being what I am not.   

Ya, I don't really care for religion.  I don't think being called religious is a compliment.  Knowing God through his Son, Jesus is what it takes to make it to heaven, not being a member of any church or of any religion. 

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.  If you know Jesus and follow his word that's more important that sitting in a pew, but chances are if you continue in the Lord you will find a church you can enjoy someday

Chris just said what I was going to say  Lets see  In becoming a christian and when my ways were changing. I may not have appeared as the angel I am now  I was thrown out of a church. They called on my wedding night and left a message on the voice recorder something to effect that it was the worst decision of her life and it would not last. Well 20 years later the church is gone and the pastor had some pretty serious family issues but my wife and I are still married. Its not about people its about a relationship with the Lord. I would personally say just ask and you will receive come close to him and He will come close to you. If I had one decision in my life that was right Id say it was sticking with the Lord. Just my 2 cents .

[czuch]

I told the wife that when I'm no longer me, give me a peanut butter sandwich and a squeeze bottle of honey. Take me to the forest and tell me to go find the nice bear.
To quote W.C.Fields, as they were placing the noose and asked if he had any last requests,,,,
"Well, I'd like to see Paris before I die".

[Paxton]

Heaven is boring and Hell is a figment of someone else's imagination. Everyone wants to be immortal thus believing in the hereafter.
Face it. All that fun you already had in life that's all it is. All the bad stuff you had to face in life was already hellish.

I am not concerned about the money part... err... I take that back.
I am most amused really about the blatant hypocrisy of invoking God's name to love thy neighbor then turning around
and hate most everyone else.
But even that is not my concern, we live our life the way we see fit. Stop making judgements about people who think different than we do.
If God made us in her own image, she has some issues.

Don't get me wrong, that's the pathetic reality of been human, regardless of whether you are a car in a garage.
Religion, including the church is a way of channeling your fears hoping that somehow you'll live through eternity.
Church is where you go to reinforce your fears amongst those others who are just as scared as you are.
I'd say, focus your energy on becoming a better person, if that's what you value. Invoking God's name it ain't going to do it.

My cat does not worry about stuff like that. She is caring and gentle, yet there is not Cat Bible saying that she's going to haven.
She appears to be OK with that.

[Fritz The Cat]

The Bible has some profound wisdom, I don't doubt that. And I don't doubt that Jesus was the source of most of it. It's the way it's used to control and exploit that I have a problem with. In spite of my beliefs, I have indeed lived a "Christian" life. I've never intentionally hurt anyone and the law doesn't even know I exist. I do however believe in Karma and paying it forward. If I leave this world having given more than I've taken then I'll consider my life a success. But then again, that's for someone else to decide.

[Serk]

Having been present as my grandmother passed out of the life just last week, and taking a road trip with the family this past weekend to bury her (In Willow's area no less, Smithville just north of Kansas City) this topic hits very close to home for me. I don't know how to answer to be honest, I guess a lot depends on the circumstances at the time.

And Paxton - Your previous post was one of the very few posts you've made that I nodded in agreement throughout the whole post. To those arguing you should just believe in their deity of choice, that's easy to say, hard to do. Much as I would like there to be "something else" after death, I can't will myself to believe in something I don't believe in any more than you could will yourself to believe in Santa Claus just because it'd be nice if it were true.

[Oss]

Dad used to tell me that if he knew he was gonna go hard
he and I should ride out to Far Rockaway beach at the Queens/Nassau County
border in the dead of winter and let him just sit on a folding lawn chair and
let him freeze to death after he fell asleep/

That is what he said was the way he wanted,
fall asleep listening to the sounds of the ocean and
the gulls and the wind

I regret that I was unable to assist him as at the time he went in the hospital in Nyack
he was unable to walk and there was just no way to get him out of there and
to the beach without being tried for his death

So even the best plans mean nothing as only God knows and he aint telling

[Patrick]

Been trying to hold back.
Watched folks/friends die in a far off country.
Had most of our families die off, most horribly. Most recently a cousin last week [ pancreatic cancer at 60]
Watched some die well, and, others not.
I've tried to get all my affairs in order, just in case. Would like to emulate some friends that got all their affairs [ and families] taken care of, then went out by themselves and died [in one way or another.].  I've spent too much time in hospitals and nursing homes over the years either for me, family or friends for me to want any of the same. I'm not going there. 240 grains of lead poisoning suits me just fine. I've seen how much easier that is on families.

[Patrick]

Cmon guys. With all the movies Hollywood is now putting out, we all know that heaven is for real. So, therefore, must be hell is too.
The older I get, the more I dislike being cold, sooooo.....

I don't see an appropriate smiley.   

[hubcapsc]

* I would personally say just ask and you will receive come close to him...

* Much as I would like there to be "something else" after death, I can't will myself to believe in something I don't believe in any more than you could will yourself to believe in Santa Claus just because it'd be nice if it were true.

Along these lines, I think there is more than "ask and you will receive"... Something
needs to click with you that makes you start wanting to have Jesus in your life.

Not wanting Jesus in your life = rejecting Jesus

-Mike

[Chrisj CMA]

* I would personally say just ask and you will receive come close to him...

* Much as I would like there to be "something else" after death, I can't will myself to believe in something I don't believe in any more than you could will yourself to believe in Santa Claus just because it'd be nice if it were true.

Along these lines, I think there is more than "ask and you will receive"... Something
needs to click with you that makes you start wanting to have Jesus in your life.

Not wanting Jesus in your life = rejecting Jesus

-Mike

That is pretty profound Mike, and in my estimation spiritually deep of you.  I know I felt it, I was Catholic all my youth and lost as goose in a horse race.  By 17 y/o I didn't want anything to do with God or religion.  Then I felt it.  Once that happens you really have no choice but to arrive at the point where you make a personal choice.  For me it was at age 25.

What did I feel.....the drawing of God by the Holy Spirit is the only way I can describe it.  I believe God gives each of us our chance by drawing us to him, we can still reject and say no, Thank God I didn't, it was the best decision I ever made.  That's my story, not saying anyone has to do exactly what I did.......you deal with what God hands you and I hope you choose well.

[The emperor has no clothes]

Been trying to hold back.
Watched folks/friends die in a far off country.
Had most of our families die off, most horribly. Most recently a cousin last week [ pancreatic cancer at 60]
Watched some die well, and, others not.
I've tried to get all my affairs in order, just in case. Would like to emulate some friends that got all their affairs [ and families] taken care of, then went out by themselves and died [in one way or another.].  I've spent too much time in hospitals and nursing homes over the years either for me, family or friends for me to want any of the same. I'm not going there. 240 grains of lead poisoning suits me just fine. I've seen how much easier that is on families.

I thought it was a sin to commit suicide ?

[Chrisj CMA]

Been trying to hold back.
Watched folks/friends die in a far off country.
Had most of our families die off, most horribly. Most recently a cousin last week [ pancreatic cancer at 60]
Watched some die well, and, others not.
I've tried to get all my affairs in order, just in case. Would like to emulate some friends that got all their affairs [ and families] taken care of, then went out by themselves and died [in one way or another.].  I've spent too much time in hospitals and nursing homes over the years either for me, family or friends for me to want any of the same. I'm not going there. 240 grains of lead poisoning suits me just fine. I've seen how much easier that is on families.

I thought it was a sin to commit suicide ?

Its a sin to do a lot of things many people do every day.  What is your point?

[The emperor has no clothes]

I'm not an expert on religion by any means, that's why I asked. But I thought if you commited suicide you would not go to heaven.