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DIGGER
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« Reply #1040 on: July 25, 2024, 11:53:10 AM » |
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An elderly couple returned to the mercedes dealership only to find that the car the salesman had held for them was sold to a beautiful busty and perfect bodied young blonde.
The old man told the salesman "Whats the deal??? You promised that car to us for $75,000 and you said you would hold it till we got the money together. You also said you couldnt give a discount on that model mercedes yet I just saw you sell that car to that young lady for $65,000. Why did you do that?"
The salesman smiled and said " just look at that young woman....she has a very sexy perfect body shown off by that really short miniskirt and she is absolutely beautiful....I just couldnt help myself..."
The young lady walked over to the older couple and handed the old man the keys to the mercedes and said " Here ya go grandpa....told you I could get him down in price...see ya later"....dont mess with the elderly.....
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1041 on: July 27, 2024, 03:46:13 PM » |
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Again...compliments of Farcebook!
==========================================================
Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87-years-old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high-fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.
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da prez
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« Reply #1042 on: July 27, 2024, 05:16:20 PM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1043 on: July 27, 2024, 08:42:28 PM » |
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She said she wanted a man who would take her breath away......
So I farted and now she won't even talk to me.
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Serk
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« Reply #1044 on: July 28, 2024, 03:04:44 PM » |
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I saw a guy walking around the Olympic village holding a nine foot stick.
I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?"
He responded, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name was Walter?"
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away...  IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1045 on: July 31, 2024, 06:28:48 AM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1046 on: July 31, 2024, 07:52:18 AM » |
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I woke up screaming the other day.
My apologies to the rest of the congregation.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1047 on: July 31, 2024, 09:55:02 AM » |
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911 call at a residence and when the cops got there the wife was crying uncontrollably. Her husband laying dead on the floor. Cops asked the wife how he died and she answered "he was poisoned. " Cops said "if he was poisoned why are there cuts and abrasions and bruises all over his body"? Crying she said " he didnt want to drink it!!"
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1048 on: August 05, 2024, 05:16:45 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1049 on: August 05, 2024, 05:51:14 AM » |
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That Is a classic!! Good one |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1050 on: August 05, 2024, 05:59:43 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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henry 008
Member
Posts: 1523
BRP
willard, oh
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« Reply #1052 on: August 05, 2024, 09:32:47 AM » |
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Safe Winds... Brother  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1053 on: August 05, 2024, 12:06:00 PM » |
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Heard it before and its still hilarious...hahaha |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1054 on: August 05, 2024, 03:31:52 PM » |
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LOL After a day on the tractor them last too are Funny.....
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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da prez
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« Reply #1055 on: August 06, 2024, 04:23:56 AM » |
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klb
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« Reply #1056 on: August 06, 2024, 11:00:35 AM » |
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If it did I bet it ran away...Far Far away!  |
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Willow
Administrator
Member
Posts: 16590
Excessive comfort breeds weakness. PttP
Olathe, KS
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« Reply #1057 on: August 06, 2024, 02:54:10 PM » |
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It is a fictitious equivocation. Those who have ignited their farts will tell you the flame does not make its way past the anus.  |
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da prez
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« Reply #1058 on: August 07, 2024, 05:54:14 AM » |
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I heard this story over 30 years ago. My response was the same. If I remember , it was on a radio station with Dick Biondi for those of you old enough or sane enough to remember.  da prez |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1059 on: August 08, 2024, 01:39:20 PM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1060 on: August 08, 2024, 08:04:56 PM » |
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I got kicked out of Weight Watchers when I dropped a bag of M'&M's on the floor.
It was the wildest game of "Hungry Hippos" you ever saw!!
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1061 on: August 09, 2024, 12:59:56 PM » |
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I got in touch with my inner self today.....
Thats the last time I will buy single ply
toilet paper at the dollar store.....
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1062 on: August 10, 2024, 10:21:16 AM » |
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I just sent the TP joke of Digger's to Nancy via text. She's lunching with a bunch of her old school mates so thought I'd spice it up a bit. Should have sent it to one of her gals I know, she would have really lit up the group. |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1063 on: August 13, 2024, 01:50:49 PM » |
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Two older farmers talking...
1st farmer: My old bull is getting so old he has no interest anymore in servicing the cows in my herd.
2nd farmer: Last year my old bull did the same thing last yr. I called the vet to see what could be done and he sent me a powder you sprinkle on the bulls feed and I did and the next day the bull went to servicing all my cows at a record pace.
1st farmer: Wow!!!! Do you remember what was the name of the powder?
2nd farmer: No....been too long to remember the name of it....but it kinda tasted like pepermint!!!
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da prez
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« Reply #1064 on: August 15, 2024, 05:01:35 AM » |
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Papa bull and son were standing in the pasture. The farmer herds cattle in on the far side. The son say's "hey pop, lets run over and get a few"!. Papa grabs sonny by the tail to stop him. Son , "let's walk over and get them all"! EXPERIENCE  da prez |
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Serk
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« Reply #1065 on: August 15, 2024, 09:43:27 AM » |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1066 on: August 17, 2024, 04:51:02 PM » |
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Right before I die.... I'm gonna swallow a hole bag of popcorn kernals....
That should make the cremation interesting.....
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da prez
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« Reply #1067 on: August 18, 2024, 05:25:26 AM » |
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Its a good thing they did not cremate Joan Rivers. I guess they recycled the silicone back to Hollywood wanna-be's.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1068 on: August 18, 2024, 03:31:40 PM » |
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It doesnt matter what anybody tells you Ladies....
When you find a good man the first thing he is going to look at is your heart....
But its not his fault that your boobs are in the way....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1069 on: August 18, 2024, 03:58:33 PM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1070 on: August 18, 2024, 09:24:23 PM » |
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1st guy: Whats been up with you?
2nd guy: Well....Yesterday my wife ran off with my beat friend
Jimmy.
1st guy: When did Jimmy become your best friend?
2nd guy: Yesterday........
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1071 on: August 22, 2024, 04:24:57 PM » |
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Was just watching Dr Ed Young Sermon and he told a funny story.....
A man from another state came to Texas to visit an old friend who owned a large ranch. When the Texas rancher picked his friend up
At the airport in conversation the out of state man asked his Texas rancher friend what was the name of his ranch. The Texas rancher said well its an odd name for a ranch but you see I wanted to name the ranch one thing, and my wife wanted to name it another, and my son another, and my daughter still another. We tried and tried and tried to agree on a name we all liked but we just couldnt find a way to compromise so we just put it all together and the name of our ranch is " The Flying T Susie Que Hunter Heaven Sister K Ranch". The out of state friend agreed it was an unusual ranch name and then asked his Texas Rancher friend how many cattle was in his herd. The Texas Rancher said "I'm sorry to say that we dont have any cattle.....none of them survived the branding".
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1072 on: August 23, 2024, 08:54:04 AM » |
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My therapist set a half glass of water in front of me
and asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist.....
I picked up the glass and drank the water
and told him I was a problem solver.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1073 on: August 28, 2024, 06:20:24 AM » |
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A new aircraft has been developed that cannot crash.
It is made out of rubber and will just bounce.
It was engineered by Boeing..Boeing...Boeing
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1074 on: September 04, 2024, 06:57:44 PM » |
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I'm not dating any more cougars....
When the last one went "HAWK TUAH"
Her teeth fell out....
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da prez
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« Reply #1075 on: September 07, 2024, 06:05:31 AM » |
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Three blonds coming back from a hike in the Outback approach a river that is teeming with crocodiles. In the distance is the city they are going to. One of them stumble on a lamp. A genie appears and says " I will give you each one wish". The first blond says" I want to be the worlds best swimmer". Granted , says the genie. She dives in the river and about half way across , the crocks overtake her and devour her.
The second blond asks for a row boat. Granted says the genie. She jumps in the boat and about half way across, the crocks overtake her ,capsize the boat and devour her.
The genie looks at the third blond and she says "I want to be smart"! Granted says the genie. Her hair becomes a brunette. She looks to her left and then her right. I think I will use the bridge!
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1076 on: September 08, 2024, 05:07:00 AM » |
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All I want for Christmas is for Beth on “Yellowstone”
to spend one day with Kamala….
I think that laugh might change…
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1077 on: September 10, 2024, 06:23:53 PM » |
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A "Bail Bondsmans Sign"......
"I will get you out before the soap hits the shower floor."
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1078 on: September 13, 2024, 06:25:56 PM » |
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While I was in Europe I saw a sign over a medical facility
That said " English Speaking Doctors".
I thought "What a great idea....
We should have them in our country....
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1079 on: September 14, 2024, 07:12:07 AM » |
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You know what's crazy? If we all just switched to cursive writing and stick shift vehicles, we would cripple an entire generation. A good example is my 25 yr. old grandson here in De Pere. My daughter Toni gave him a list of stuff to pick up at the store since he was headed there himself. He didn't look at it, just left it folded and stuck it in his shirt pocket. About 15 minutes later the phone rings..."mom, I can't read what you wrote, it doesn't make any sense!" She has great handwriting. Her answer..."Robert, you're 25, welcome to the real world and figure it out." He came back with everything on the list, seems he knew one of the checkout gals(no surprise there) and got some help but he was a bit PO'd at her. Seems she poked a little fun at him about not being able to read cursive. |
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