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DIGGER
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« Reply #1160 on: February 21, 2025, 08:52:38 PM » |
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day....
Give a man a motorcycle and he will eat fish and chips 200 miles away
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15192
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1161 on: February 22, 2025, 10:52:46 AM » |
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Mama just had quadruplets.
Wow...what'd she name them?
Eany, Meany, Miney, & Fred.
What happened to Moe?
Oh...she don't want no "moe."
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1163 on: February 23, 2025, 07:34:18 PM » |
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I got so drunk last nite that we searched for my friend all night....
and he helped us look.....
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« Last Edit: February 26, 2025, 04:28:24 AM by DIGGER »
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1164 on: February 23, 2025, 11:24:38 PM » |
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When we were kids our family was soooo poor....
That all our clothes came from an Army Surplus store....
I was the only Korean General in my class.....
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1165 on: February 25, 2025, 03:40:59 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1166 on: February 26, 2025, 04:32:46 AM » |
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My wife bought a book titlled " THE EXORCIST".
She said it was sooo evil that she threw it into the fireplace and burned it.
A few days later I bought another copy of "THE EXORCIST" and burned it around the edges and placed it on her pillow...... now the fun begins.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1167 on: February 26, 2025, 11:33:00 AM » |
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I put the bathroom weight scale in the corner of the bathroom.....
And thats where the little liar is gonna stay till she apologizes.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1168 on: February 26, 2025, 11:52:40 AM » |
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I have 1 cup of coffee each morning just to start my day off right....
Then I have 3 more cups to keep me out of jail... help me form sentences....and fuel my razor sharp wit....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1169 on: March 07, 2025, 01:29:56 PM » |
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It doesnt matter how big and bad you are......
When a two yr old hands you a toy phone......
You answer it.....
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1170 on: March 09, 2025, 04:21:55 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1171 on: March 16, 2025, 07:16:58 AM » |
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Every time a woman gets pregnant....
A motorcycle loses its home....
Use some common sense and use a condom!!!
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da prez
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« Reply #1172 on: March 17, 2025, 08:13:59 PM » |
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The new generation does not like working!
You could give them a job sleeping , and they would wake up and quit!
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1173 on: March 21, 2025, 04:51:46 AM » |
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Here in Texas....weather changes do often.....I am ready for this upcoming week.....
I have my umbrella, my flip flops, my winter gloves, my sun tan lotion, my winter coat, my sunglasses, my thermal underwear, my iced cofee, and my hot chocolate....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1174 on: March 21, 2025, 04:54:35 AM » |
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AOC called Elon Musk "UNQUALIFIED".....
Thats kind of like a bartender calling a rocket scientist "stupid"......
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1175 on: March 22, 2025, 06:06:52 PM » |
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Why does everybody at the gym keep asking me why Im just sitting still on the stationary bike?....
I'm coasting downhill dude so mind your own business.....p
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1176 on: March 24, 2025, 07:29:22 AM » |
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Tonite we are having Himalayan Rabbit stew.....
We found him a layin in the road.....
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Serk
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« Reply #1177 on: March 28, 2025, 01:01:24 PM » |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away...  IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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DDT (12)
Member
Posts: 4112
Sometimes ya just gotta go...
Winter Springs, FL - Occasionally...
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« Reply #1178 on: March 30, 2025, 05:23:19 AM » |
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Serk,
Are there other symptoms that accompany minnow fin spotting...? If anal leakage is one of them, then... I may need a pill or two! Maybe in my case that's just an age thing, though...
DDT (12)
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Don't just dream it... LIVE IT!
See ya down the road...
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1179 on: March 31, 2025, 08:44:45 PM » |
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Women never apologize.....they just sleep naked and let you decide if you are still mad or not...
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da prez
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« Reply #1180 on: April 02, 2025, 06:26:35 AM » |
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A blond storms into the library and throws a book in front of the librarian. This , she yells is the worse book I have ever tried to read. To many character's ,and no plot.
The librarian says thank you for returning our phone book.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1181 on: April 02, 2025, 12:15:59 PM » |
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home.
She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then
watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.”
I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15192
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1182 on: April 02, 2025, 01:01:21 PM » |
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A blond storms into the library and throws a book in front of the librarian. This , she yells is the worse book I have ever tried to read. To many character's ,and no plot.
The librarian says thank you for returning our phone book.
da prez
I read this to Nancy and she got a good laugh. Later we went to the local library where I have AARP do my taxes for free. So as we're about to pull into the parking lot, she quips "and I remembered the phone book." Ya gotta love her sense of humor...first she married me, and loves blonde jokes. |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1183 on: April 05, 2025, 06:27:20 AM » |
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A teenage boy asks his dad "Dad....how did you get hooked up with Mom?"
Dad replied"Well son...I was at this dance and I looked up and there was this gorgeous woman standing there....I thought to myself....oh my God...what a beautiful creature...beautifull face... perfect body....beautiful hair....she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with....so Cupid drew back his bow and let his arrow fly.....but he missed and hit your mom...."
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da prez
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« Reply #1184 on: April 11, 2025, 06:14:41 AM » |
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So the blond goes deer hunting. She finds a place to put the tree stand. She climbs up and waits.
She soon sights her target. She fires the rifle. The deer drops. A perfect shot. She climbs down and walks to the deer. A guy walks toward her from the bushes. She points her rifle at him. She yells , you are not taking my deer. I heard about you people. You are poachers , it is my deer ,and if you do not want to get shot , go away now.
He replies "can I at least get my saddle?"
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1185 on: April 15, 2025, 05:31:05 AM » |
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Guy comes home from work and tells his wife " Honey....I won salesman of the month at this new job I took. I sold 100 security systems this month."
Wife: "Thats amazing!!!...how did you do that?"
Husband: "I knock on the customers door and if they dont answer I just leave a company brochure on the kitchen table...."
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henry 008
Member
Posts: 1523
BRP
willard, oh
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« Reply #1186 on: April 15, 2025, 09:55:15 AM » |
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I heard that 3 people having sex was a threesome. and 2, a twosome. I figured thats why my wife calls me Handsome  |
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Safe Winds... Brother  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1187 on: April 17, 2025, 02:50:52 PM » |
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2 days ago I gave my wife a glue stick....instead of a chap stick....
2 days later and she is still not talking to me.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1188 on: April 20, 2025, 04:08:20 AM » |
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The preacher's teeth grew bad over time so he had a set of dentures made. The first sermon after the new teeth he only preached 8 minutes. The second service he only preached 10 minutes. The third service he preached for 2 hours and 20 minutes.....
When asked about it he said at the first service his gums hurt so bad all he could preach was 8 minutes...
At the second service they still hurt so bad he could only preach for 10 minutes....
He said this morning I accidently put my wifes dentures in and I couldnt shut up!!!
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15192
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1189 on: April 20, 2025, 11:29:01 AM » |
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In my jr. high Algebra class, the old maid teacher had such bad fitting choppers that when she talked it sounded like she was using castanets. Reminds me of the old joke about a rather chatty aunt, I had one named Aunt Sophie. One day while doing the washing, she was chatting on the phone and her teeth fell out and into the washing machine. Story is they chewed up her best pair of bloomers before she could stop the washing machine.  |
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« Last Edit: April 22, 2025, 07:38:21 PM by John Schmidt »
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1190 on: April 22, 2025, 05:36:31 PM » |
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I didnt mean to call you stupid....
But when I asked you how to spell Mississippi and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state....
It just kinda caught me off gaurd.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1191 on: April 27, 2025, 08:41:26 AM » |
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A great quote....
The most valuable math you can learn is how to calculate the cost of your future cost of your current decisions....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1192 on: April 27, 2025, 08:45:01 AM » |
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A guy named John in the hospital has credited "THE VIEW" with saving his life....
John had been in a coma for 3 yrs when a nurse came in and turned on the hospital tv to "THE VIEW"....
John woke up and got out of the bed and changed channels on the tv....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1193 on: April 30, 2025, 07:30:33 AM » |
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An old "Hippie" friend of mine said
"if any of you poor people want to go into space for 11 minutes...
I know of a good brownie recipe "
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da prez
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« Reply #1194 on: May 10, 2025, 01:31:49 PM » |
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So the husband gives his wife a bracelet . I was my grandmothers. She wore it for a long time.
The wife looks at it and asks , why does it say "do not resuscitate
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1195 on: May 19, 2025, 03:14:36 AM » |
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An older couple had been married for yrs when the husband died and went to Heaven. A few months later the wife died and upon entering Heaven saw her husband and came running up to him and threw her arms around him and cried out "I missed you soooo much " and she tried to kiss him....but he pushed her away and said "sorry honey....the contract said 'Till Death Do Us Part'"!!!
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1196 on: May 22, 2025, 04:08:41 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1197 on: May 22, 2025, 11:58:47 AM » |
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da prez
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« Reply #1198 on: June 03, 2025, 04:57:00 AM » |
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College son's note to dad.
Dear dad , no mon ,no fun , your son!
Dad's note to college son.
Dear son ,to bad ,so sad ,your dad.
da prez
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Serk
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« Reply #1199 on: June 07, 2025, 05:16:19 PM » |
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12 years ago today my friend Dave came out running and screaming "IT'S A BOY!!! IT'S A BOY!!!" With tears streaming down his face...
We never went to Thailand again.
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away... IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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