H U M O R Thread . Nothing to get riled up about. Jokes, puns, and riddles.

[Roy]

Life expectancy...


A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering,
then, just how serious is my condition because this
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."






`

[Roy]

Handy woman...



A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she needed were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "Oh. And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[Roy]

Desert Dummies...


Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let's have a look at the evidence:

- No Christmas
- No television
- No Playboy magazines
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you
- and your wife smells worse than your donkey

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??
It's not like it could get much worse.

AND THE MUSLIMS ARE NOT HAPPY!

They're not happy in Gaza .
They're not happy in Egypt ..
They're not happy in Libya
They're not happy in Morocco ..
They're not happy in Iran
They're not happy in Iraq
They're not happy in Yemen
They're not happy in Afghanistan ..
They're not happy in Pakistan ..
They're not happy in Syria
They're not happy in Lebanon ..

SO, WHERE ARE THEY HAPPY?

They're happy in Australia
They're happy in Canada .
They're happy in England
They're happy in France ..
They're happy in Italy ..
They're happy in Germany
They're happy in Sweden ..
They're happy in the USA ..
They're happy in Norway .
They're happy in Holland .
They're happy in Denmark .

Basically, they're happy in every country that is not Muslim
and unhappy in every country that is!

AND WHO DO THEY BLAME?

Not Islam.
Not their leadership.
Not themselves.

THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!

AND THEN; They want to change those countries to be like....
THE COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM WHERE THEY WERE UNHAPPY!





`

[RDAbull]

This is kind of like all of the Californicators who hated California so much they moved to Colorado.
Now they won't be happy until they change Colorado into another California.
So they can hate it I guess!

[Roy]

Husband Problem..



A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason, and it scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and falls asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."









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[Roy]

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[Roy]

Wife's comfortable underwear...


A woman was rushed to the hospital unexpectedly, so she called her
husband to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was "Comfortable" underwear.

Not sure what she considered "comfortable", he asked, "How will I know which ones?"

"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered, "If you SMILE,"

"PUT THEM BACK".






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[Roy]

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[Roy]

Mamilary Glands...


Q: What did the ghost say to the hornets?
 A: BOO bees.

 Q: What do you call the space inbetween Pamela Anderson's breasts?
 A: Silicon Valley.

 Q: Why are redheads flat chested?
 A: It makes it easier to read their T- shirts

 Q: What do you call identical boobs?
 A: Identitties.

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
 A: Boobies!





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[Roy]

Bar Maid getting her exercise in on the Bar room floor.









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[Roy]

You may be a Gun nut if . .




I did a search and didn't find it, so thought id post it for a little fun.

 YOU MIGHT BE A GUN NUT……

-If You've ever dabbed a little HOPPE's on your neck before going on a date...
 -If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are now starting on the bedposts...
 -If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...
 -Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you were looking for...
 -If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it years ago...
 -If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........
 -If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...
 -If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it
 -If you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that someday you might own a gun in that caliber...
 -If your computer passwords are gun related...
 -If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1 Garand............
 -If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can wipe them down before going to bed...
 -If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...
 -If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...
 -If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...
 -If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...
 -If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...
 -If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...
 -If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...
 -If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see which one "shot better"...
 -If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...
 -If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photos...
 -If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were excited every time...
 -If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range...
 -If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...
 -If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.
 -If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you notice the girl...
 -If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 brass...
 -If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by...
 -If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...
 -If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for a month's vacation...
 -If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...
 -if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...
 -If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have space for it...
 -If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say "Bushmaster"...
 -If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any "non-shooting" friends...
 -If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."
 -If your shoulder is callused...
 -If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.
 -If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..
 -If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your magazines because they look prettier that way..........
 -If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...
 -If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so you'd have some brass to reload...
 -RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this time?"..............
 -if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW
 -if someone asks about the president and you think they're talking about charlton heston
 -if you know the model numbers of your glocks, how many and what size mags you have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is.
 -if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to someone
 -if you don't know that there is a difference between "the Internet" and "Glock Talk"
 -if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of ammo before
 -if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get your kids' names mixed up.
 -if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records.
 -if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course)
 -if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenerio" is
 -if you had a gun rack on your bike when you were a kid
 -if you know why 30-06 is pronounced "thirty alt six"
 -if you buy all of your clothes at wal-mart but own some of the most expensive holsters known to man
 -if your name is on California's AW ban
 -if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear "colt", you are immediately interested.
 -if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning.
 -if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey".
 -if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill Ruger.
 -if you anticipate another shooting session while you are putting your guns away at the range.
 -if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy
 -if every street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from chechnya
 -if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text books
 -if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call block" because you keep making bids on their WWII artillary piece sitting out front
 -if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup fails.
 -if you carry concealed at the beach
 -if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself)
 -if you were arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings
 -if you've filled out more "yellow forms" than income tax forms
 -if you have your own VIP parking spot at gun shows.
 -if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself "good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!"
 -if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it)
 -if you have been banned from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without reloading.
 -if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom trigger,laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt
 -if you have more firearms than friends
 -if you have insurance covering your guns, but not you
 -if Hillary Clinton makes your skin crawl.
 -if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail.
 -if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage.
 -if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your handgun....in the dark.....on the toilet.
 -if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up.
 -if your guns are named names usually reserved for people
 -if you designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it
 -if you grew up with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot up your school.
 -if you've read the Constitution
 -if you know the second amendment by heart
 -if you know the second amendment translated into more than 3 languages
 -if you used to have a hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure lead.
 -if you make your own reloading tools
 -if you make your own powder
 -if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the difference when shaking the can
 -if you have ever read an article in the crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. who in his right mind would get down to only 200 rounds???
 -if your CCW is a shotgun
 -if your CCW is a .50
 -if your CCW is a LAW
 - if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of your wife's glass cleaner
 - if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your guns
 - if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car
 - if that new car would be a Bentley
 - if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out the paperwork on the one you're buying.
 - if the guys at the local gun shop send you a christmas card
 - if you own a guns you haven't shot yet
 - if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns
 - if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible.
 - if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy
 -if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of it.
 -if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than the companies are worth.
 -if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you.
 -if the glock talk logo is burned into your computer monitor.
 -if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection
 -if you wonder why you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license won't expire.
 -if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with "about" (i.e. "about 50 or so").
 -if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an AR-15 sear", "bolt release from ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911", etc.
 -if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your wife's eyes.
 -if you have ever shot a hole in something by accident
 -if that something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate
 -if you buy HOPPE's solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it
 -if the gun show owners let you in free.
 -if you named a dog after a gun.
 -if you name your kids after your guns.
 -if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms, and you're down to a minute flat.
 -if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block.
 -if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun collection.
 -if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related
 -if the wallpaper in a room of your house is firearm related
 -if you have no wallpaper or house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe
 -if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side.
 -if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet
 -if you ever heard gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab.
 -if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns."


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[Roy]

An Older Man Approached . .



An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'

'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a young woman , she appears out of nowhere.'






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[Roy]

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[Roy]

Handmade Bacon Bikini..










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[Roy]

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[Roy]

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[Roy]

Bear goes shopping...












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[Roy]

BEIJING, CHINA . . . Official Hotel brochure.



A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….

Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle depart.






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[Roy]

I'll stay at the Hotel just for the squeeze.

[Super Santa]

Eight Words with Different Meanings for each sex

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said.... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said.... You wear pants don't you?

He said..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said..... Why are married women heavier than singlewomen?
She said..... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

[Roy]

       

[Roy]

QUEEN ELIZABETH AND DOLLY PARDON...



Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately,there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question.The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.

Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a pair no matter how big they are.'







`

[..]

2 teenagers arreseted for theft

1 with a battery, the other with fireworks.

One they charged the other they let off.

[Roy]

 

[Roy]

Heaven's Clerk...



Heaven's Clerk

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explained that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed.
She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.

"Well, her hair was dry, so I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky, and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me, and I suffered a massive heart attack and died."

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment, but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up
I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directed the man to the next room.

He was still giggling when his third customer of the day entered. He apologized and said, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you."
"I don't know," replied the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest."





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[Roy]

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[Roy]

New type of MC sidecar,  seats about 5 ot 6.









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[Roy]

Senior Texting...


An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

 One afternoon while shopping the wife decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

 The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."






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[Roy]

Gun Enthusiast Prayer. . .



John Moses Browning who art in Heaven,

Hollow Points by thy name,

Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done,

In full or semi-automatic.

Give us this day our daily Range,

and for give us our misses,

as we aim for those who attack us,

and lead us not into the Midway USA catalog,

but deliver us from Jennings.

For a 9mm is the Kingdom,

Forty Five the Power,

and the Glock forever and ever,

KALBLAM!







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[Roy]

Sourpuss...


Two men were seated at a table, sharing it for lack of available tables. Neither knew the other.

"Could I buy you a cup of coffee?" asked the first.
"No, thanks. Tried it once, did't like it," replied the sourpuss.

"Buy you a beer, then?" asked the kind soul.
"No, thanks. Tried it once, didn't like it," replied SP.

"Maybe buy you a drink at the bar?" continue KS.
"Nope. Tried drinking once, didn't like it," replied SP.

"Cigarette?" offered KS.
"Nope, don't smoke. Tried it once, didn't like it," replied SP

"Married?" asked KS.
"Yep. Forty one years, now," replied SP.




"Just one child, I presume," continued KS. .  .





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[Roy]

Where are my glasses?


Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
 Like sitting around in the house and reading the Wall Street Journal is not a good thing.
 Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
 She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
 I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
 I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
 She replied, "Are you nuts? You are about 75 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
 I told her that I even got a membership card and I e-mailed a copy to her.
 She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses!
 
 This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
 
 I told her "Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week."
 
 The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted.
 Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.








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[Roy]

`


What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?


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Its Braille for "feed here".

[Jess Tolbirt]

Ahh, Grandfathers.......

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

Not really, Pop pop, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of crap, horse's ass, tree hugger, socialist left wing Obamalover, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

"We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun"

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[Jess from VA]

 

[Roy]

         

[Roy]

The Miracle...


Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for his extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people. A little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room, who had seen all this, rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in nearly bent in half and now you're walking upright! What did the doctor do?"




 The little old lady said, "He gave me a longer cane."





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[Roy]

`
NOT what you might think . . .




He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved
 forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again......
 back and forth... back and forth..... in and out.......

 She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and
 trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the
 end. Her heart was pounding..... Her face was flushed.....

 Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

 Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and
 shouted,




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 "Okay, Okay !! I can’t park the car !!! You do it, you smug bastard !!!!!"







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[OzarkRider]

[bigguy]

Things a person from the 1950s wouldn't understand about today.

Modern person:
I have, in my pocket, a device that allows me access to the sum total of human knowledge.

1950s person:
My gosh! That's amazing! With such knowledge at your command society must have found the cure for the common cold, the cure for cancer, and eliminated hunger and war.
What amazing things do you use this device for?

Modern person:
I look at picture of cats and argue with strangers.

[Roy]

Looks like a bleached blonde?















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